How to Cope with his affair and her having a baby!

My husband of 20 years left back February after I found a month prior that he cheated on me. He tried to come back but at that point I was sick of the crazy so I told to stay away and have fun. Famous last words. For the last couple months he would randomly come back trying to work things out but ultimately leave again. About a month ago he made a decision to come permanently and even go to therapy to work on not only us but himself. This made very happy cause its what had been asking for a long time. After the week ended I find out that not only did i find he had a girlfriend that whole time but they’re having baby. I was completely smacked in the face with this info. Told him to leave and that I wanted a divorce. Then a week later I couldn’t see myself getting a divorce. The whole time he was gone I never thought about it I just wanted us to stop being toxic. So I was having second thoughts. But he was already there trying to work it with her. I was going insane and started therapy. The day I finally tell myself I was going start to move on he comes back because she’s crazy and can’t deal with that. And ofcourse I’m stupid and took him back thinking maybe things will be different. But three days here and find the texts of him telling her how he loves her but just can’t be there. Everything about us is so awkward. I feel so insecure. We were always so solid. So its so hard to imagine my life without this man. I know logically that it probably won’t work out. But my heart wants it to. Not sure what to do.