Don’t Take it Personally if Long-time Relationships Change after the Split

Longmont, Col., therapist Hope Weiss has five points of advice for divorcees:

1. If someone has stopped speaking with you since you announced your separation, don’t get the impression that it’s because of you personally. The person might find it a conflict of interest.”The husband’s mother or father may feel they have a loyalty to their son and may be betraying him by staying friends with the wife, even though they cared for her,” Weiss says.

2. Don’t neglect your children. Do not be afraid to talk to your kids about the divorce. Kids need support from their parents, and sometimes outside sources, like school-age friends and therapy. “Parents might not have a focus on the kids and they’re having a hard time too in this position,” says Weiss, “but they can thrive with some support as well.”

3. Realize that gossip about your situation is just that: rumors. As with celebrity tabloids, this week’s headline – your divorce – is only meant to satisfy people’s current need for gossip and will be old news in time. “It could be anybody. Don’t take it personally that “I’m a bad person,'” Weiss says.

4. If you aren’t finding support with people you know, try to find support through meeting new people – go to different places in the community, make new friends or try attending support group meetings. Weiss recommends, “If you are able to find good support, then it won’t bother you as much. You won’t feel so alone.”

5. Remember that at the end of the day, you are the one who must feel confident about your decision – not others or society. “I have people see that the choices that they’re making are the healthiest for them,” says Weiss.