Mental Health: Custody Negotiations Are Making Me Tense. Can I Feel Better?
Q: We’re in custody negotiations and I find myself tense and often feeling anxious. Everyone says it’s stress. What, exactly, is stress and how can I reduce mine?
A: Simply put, stress is the body-mind’s internal signal that something needs to change. Canadian scientist Hans Selye first referred to this as General Adaptation Syndrome. Remember hearing about homeostasis in junior high? We living things like to maintain the status quo. So humans adapt until they no longer can. The human stress response is our innate reaction to an event that disrupts normal emotional, cognitive or physical functioning. Perhaps you’ve heard stories of, say, a 5-foot2-inch mother suddenly lifting a car to save her baby? That’s the central nervous system’s “Fight or Flight” response, in this case working for her, that mobilizes whenever stress, fear, anger or pain are present.
The human stress response is our innate reaction to an event that disrupts normal emotional, cognitive or physical functioning. Perhaps you’ve heard stories of, say, a 5-foot2-inch mother suddenly lifting a car to save her baby? That’s the central nervous system’s “Fight or Flight” response, in this case working for her, that mobilizes whenever stress, fear, anger or pain are present. Pulse quickens and blood flow to the large muscle groups increases as if literally preparing to do battle, or run for our lives. Respiration becomes more shallow and a cascade of stress hormones are released to help us do what we must.
We’re hardwired with this handy response. But when these emergency resources are summoned excessively, or habitually, we activate the alarm, setting in motion an in-house response team that can drain our intricate systems. This is commonly referred to as burnout. Many people dealing with stressors like separation or divorce experience anxiety and sleeplessness, or fatigue, depression, irritability, headaches, or back pain. Racing heartbeat, sweaty palms, and over or under-eating are also common stress indicators. If left unaddressed, stress can depress mood and deplete self-esteem, tax relationships, diminish job satisfaction, or compromise immunity.
Even when not in the throes of a major life transition as you are right now, stress has a cumulative effect. Its impact on our health, inner peace, relationships, and even our appearance, is cumulative too. But remember that the beneficial effects of stress-reduction are cumulative, too. Ongoing daily stress-relief practices are like “money in the bank” for a stressful day!
Got stress?
First, the obvious: We need to take responsibility for our lifestyle choices. Do you opt for mindful nutrition and regular, pleasurable exercise? Are you enjoying healthy relationships and restorative sleep? When’s the last time you heard yourself laugh out loud? Do you moderate any intake of caffeine, sugar, and alcohol? (All three can exacerbate stress symptoms in some people.) Meditation and other simple, pleasurable relaxation techniques are powerful, drug-free complements to professional health care, supporting us through tough times, and greatly enriching the overall quality of life!
Help yourself!
1. One non-essential stressor in my own life today: __________________________________________
2. Its short-term impact is: _____________________________________________________________
3. Its long-term impact could be: _________________________________________________________
4. One step I could take to reduce it is: ____________________________________________________
5. Someone who could help me is: _______________________________________________________
6. How might that enhance the quality of my day-to-day life?____________________________________
