Health: Divorce Stress Can Damage Your Health, but You Can Learn to Manage It
Divorce is one of the most stressful events in an adult’s life. And, if left unchecked, that stress can wreak havoc on the health of someone weathering a break-up.
Christine Cauffield, Ph.D., the president and chief executive officer of Aspire Behavioral Health, Inc., a national organization of geropsychiatric hospitals, said that traditionally the stress of divorce is considered second only to the death of a spouse, but she believes it is even worse.
Historically, scientific research about the effects of stress on the body’s immune system began with Hans Selye in a 1936 article. Two psychiatrists followed Selye’s findings and, in 1967, published a scale of stressful life events called the Holmes- Rahe Stress Scale. They used the scale to determine whether life events can contribute to illness.
The scale applies a numerical life change unit to a variety of experiences, such as the aforementioned death of a spouse or divorce, as well as other stressful events like losing a job, illness or moving.
Cauffield said there is debate in the mental health community about whether divorce can be considered more stressful than the death of a spouse because the death of a spouse is not usually something for which people feel responsible, as is often the case with divorce.
“Many feel that divorce is more stressful and impactful because with a death, even though there is a lot of anger and sorrow and grief, the remaining spouse, most of the time, can say that they did not cause the death. Their spouse’s death was not in their control,” Cauffield said.
“And in the case of divorce, often one or both parties second guess what they could have done to save the marriage and avoid the divorce,” Cauffield said.
“Although, all of the grief and loss stages are there, additionally, people have to handle with great angst, that somehow they had done something differently, or not done something differently, it could have changed the course of the marriage,” Cauffield said.
“Another aspect that may place divorce higher on the scale, was the fact that there are other stressful aspects combined into a divorce experience.” She said that with divorce, one typically experiences more losses from the scale, such as estrangement from friends, moving, changing jobs or financial burdens.
“Death might be 100 [ on the scale], and divorce is 73, but when you add up the additional stressors, the points, most of the time, the additional losses are more impactful from a stress point of view on the immune system,” Cauffield said.
LONG-TERM HEALTHEFFECTS
The stress from divorce may even have long-term health effects. A research team from Iowa State University studied the extended effects of divorce-related stress on women, and they found that divorced women had higher levels of stress in their lives and higher levels of illness that continued from the time they were divorced on through their lives.
Frederick Lorenz, Ph.D., a professor of statistics and sociology, said his team began evaluating a panel of rural women since 1991. They re-evaluated the women and their health histories after 10 years. All of the women had teenaged children and all of the women had been married for at least 13 years.
At first, Lorenz said, the divorced women showed extremely high distress right after their divorces, and the stress levels tended to abate. “There were no immediate differences in their health at that time. After the divorce, there was an adjustment period where psychologically, they settled down,” Lorenz said.
“But 10 years later, the divorced women had higher levels of illness traced back to the divorce, and continued experiences of stressful life events,” Lorenz said, “Not only did the divoverced women seem to have more stressful life events, but they accumulated them more than the married women,”
“The divorced women had consistently higher levels of stressful life events and higher levels of illness,” he said. “The researchers looked at more than 100 potential stressful events, such as those related to marriage, raising children, related to work, events that happened to themselves.
Lorenz said the study shows that the disruption in one’s life caused by divorce may make one more susceptible to other stressful experiences.
Lorenz said that could be because rural women who have been divorced often must join the workforce, no matter how good the jobs, in order to maintain the family’s income. That places them in more stressful financial situations.
“Working more may take them away from the home, so they are less likely to be monitoring what happens with their children. That puts their children at risk for more accidents or other stressful events related to raising children,” he said.
“Divorced women in rural areas also tend to postpone their medical care, either because they can’t leave work or they don’t have adequate health insurance,” Lorenz said, “that seems to be a reason for more reported illnesses.”
The women in the study are in their 40’s, so Lorenz said he and their team expected them to still be in relatively good health. He said they did not expect to see a chasm forming between the health issues of divorced an married women grow so soon.
“I guess for us to be able to detect differences in health, we thought that’s pretty remarkable,” Lorenz said. “We are not the first to have noticed health problems, but we are the first to have this longitudinal data. We were still somewhat surprised. I think it is a serious concern.”
STRESS CAN BE MANAGED
There are several methods to managing stress. Thorn recommends first, taking time to grieve the loss of the relationship. She said she also recommends evaluating one feelings of self-worth after the marriage has ended.
“Try to figure out what you are telling yourself,” Thorn said. “Often we are telling ourselves very negative and possible distorted things.”
She said a divorce should not be seen as a failure. She said it is likely the relationship ended for some good reasons.
Detrimental thought patterns, such as those Thorn listed can make a bad situation even more difficult, said Colin Armstrong, Ph.D., the director of health Psychology Service for the Vanderbilt University Medical Center’s Dayani Center for Health and Wellness.
He said people tend to worry about things that can’t be controlled.
“We have a tendency as humans, to jump to conclusions and focus on the negative aspects of situations,” Armstrong said. “Trying to maintain an awareness about those thought patterns will help mitigate divorce-related stress.”
Armstrong also recommends several other ways to alleviate stress. He said some people benefit from strategies that will help them achieve deeper levels of relaxation, for example, guided imagery, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga or tai chi. “Exercise, such as a brisk walk, can help control stress,” he said.
For others, problem solving is the key. He recommends that those people actively analyze the difficult areas of their lives to try to find a solution.
“Each of the strategies is works better for some situations rather than for others. If someone is completely overwhelmed in credit card debt, they can practice yoga all day long and it isn’t going to help,” he said. “There’s a number of ways to deal with stress, and it’s really up to the individual to decide what’s right for them.”
PRACTICING SELF CARE
Kathleen Hall, of the Stress Institute, recommends to her clients that they practice what she calls SELF” care, which is a system of maintaining a healthy lifestyle while keeping stress at bay. The acronym sands for serenity, exercise, love, food. For serenity, Hall recommends spending at least five minutes per day quietly.
The heart rate slows, the body’s response to pain changes, and the brain even grows during quiet meditation, Hall said. For those who simply can’t sit quietly, Hall recommends listening to music or repeating an affirmation. For exercise, Hall said there is no need for a big routine. Three 10-minute intervals of movement a day can do the trick, a walk around the block, using the stairs, taking the long way around, putting a treadmill in front of the television, all of these are ways to keep the body moving. Exercise can be equal to medication in resolving stress, Hall said.
For love, Hall reminds clients to make a connection with friends and family. “E-mail people a few times a week, schedule time to see people face-to-face. Divorced women tend to try to overcompensate for kids and work and tend to get isolated from friends,” Hall said.
She recommends joining some kind of group with common interests, such as a study group, or a group that gets together to play cards. “Being around people socially can have a positive change on one’s biochemistry, Hall said.Even getting a pet can improve one’s mental health,” she said.
For food, Hall said she reminds her clients that food is medicine. It can change moods. She said that breakfast is essential. She said eating properly will help balance weight gain or loss after divorce and even out mood swings. She saidself care is an easy way to build up to a more healthy lifestyle.
STEPS TO STRESS RELIEF
The path to stress management should always begin in one place: at the doctor’s office. All of the experts said that people need to seek medical care to be sure that there are no physical anomalies causing the stress symptoms. A doctor should also make sure that depressive symptoms have not become clinical depression.
Hall also said that one of the greatest ways to combat the stress from divorce is to take control of one’s life. That sense of control will help someone going through a divorce feel better. “Instead of what about him you have to take charge of your life and say what about me?” she said.
“Next on the list is surrendering and accepting the divorce. Make peace with yourself and make peace with the now,” Hall said. “Begin making plans determine what it will take to reach a dream or more. Once the plan is in place it will instill a sense of peace and control. People with hope, with plans, who start thinking about the future, they really are healthier people,” Hall said.
Is stress taking too much of a toll on your body? Below is a list of signs that stress is getting out of control in your life. Seeking medical help is highly recommended.
- Becoming more susceptible to illness
- Insomnia, or conversely, sleeping too much
- Weight loss or weight gain
- Low energy, Inability to concentrate, Inability to function
- Eating too much, or lack of appetite
- Headache or back pain
- Diarrhea or stomach problems
- Shortness of breath, chronic fatigue
- Overreacting to small events
- Moodiness, memory problems
- Anger, agitation
- Withdrawing from family and friends
- Quietness and unresponsiveness
- Tearful or depressed
Michele Bush Kimball has a Ph.D. in mass communication with a specialization in media law. She has spent almost 15 years in the field of journalism, and she teaches at American University in Washington, D.C. She recently won a national research award for her work.
