Dating after Divorce: Stop the Self-Sabotage, Dump the Bad Guys and Love Yourself
“I’ll call you in about an hour.” As soon as I hung up the phone, I started to think about the last time I heard that from his mouth. He never did call, and I lost hope and trust. That whole experience had taught me to trust the process, trust the big guy.
Life can be tough after a divorce. Now you’re back on your own. You’re starting to date again. And you can fall into patterns. One of them is dating the kind of people you already know are bad for you — over and over again.
That makes me wonder…why did I call him last night other than I wanted to know how his holidays went? He had called me out of the blue just before Christmas and had told me about the company he was expecting for the holidays. Old habits are hard to get rid of. While I love my own company, I also love the company of a man, and while he’s hurt me in the past, I was willing to take a chance hoping that he’d changed.
So, he did call me last night and while he said he wouldn’t be able to meet me for a coffee, he’d like to do something tomorrow and promised to call me in the morning. Here we go again, I thought. Well, at least he called me when he said he would and now as I write this in the morning with my cell phone beside me, he has yet to call.
So is this really about my aloneness and my loneliness? Am I self-sabotaging when all the other areas in my life are seemingly coming along? I remind myself that I am not responsible for what he does or doesn’t do. I’m responsible for what I do, say, think and feel. Is it a question of not trusting him and what he says or is it that I don’t trust that I’ll be ok, no matter what happens? Where’s my focus?
For years the focus was on others, allowing their behaviors, their words to guide my day. There’s been a shift in the last few months since I met him and it’s that I’ve learned to have no expectations, not to lower them like I had done a few years ago. I do what my heart and spirit lead me to do. I’ve noticed a shift in my spiritual energy, too. I seem to be getting more accomplished, and I’m more focused.
So bottom line is to focus on me. This doesn’t mean I have to be selfish. It means I’m going to love me first, do what my heart and spirit gently suggests. For example, it means going for a walk this morning in my favorite part of this great city I live in, and not expecting anything else.
