Mental Health: Get Rid of Old Ways and Try Positive Self-Talk after the Divorce
What if you decided to try on something different to see if it fit? What if when you tried it, it was too big? What if you decided to buy it anyway, because you really liked it. And then you kept trying it on only to notice, one day, that you were starting to like the new look? What if you decided to wear it out the next time you met friends, and your friends made negative comments? You might decide not to wear it again.
Every now and then, though, that piece of clothing screamed at you from the closet, “Come on, put me on, I know you really like me and you love how it feels on you” and you decided to wear it again — just not in front of your friends. You decide to wear it in front of other people that don’t really know you, and you get no comments nor compliments. Nothing. And you keep wearing it, until you noticed that in time, it’s fitting better and better until it was just right for you.
Some of your friends noticed the new fit and complimented you, tobut other friends still didn’t like it. You absolutely love it and decided to keep it and not only keep it but get rid of the other shirts or jeans you had been wearing.
Isn’t it the way new things are at first; like a new behavior, a new attitude, a new belief, a new feeling. At first, the t-shirt felt uncomfortable, either because it was too big or too small or it felt tight or you felt lost in it. It’s it the same thing when we try something new in our life. We may even want to take it off and go back to the old pair of jeans we’ve been wearing for the last 10 years. The jeans that have patches (reminders of old wounds that are covered up), or holes, (reminders of being worn out).
At some point, it’s time to get rid of those jeans because the holes get so big that our thighs are starting to show through or our gluts are sticking out. So you reluctantly go buy a new pair of jeans. The type that are pretty stiff when you first wear them, or maybe you’ve invested more money and bought a pair that fits just right, you know the stretchy ones. They don’t have to cost much. And like a new behavior, new attitude or new feeling, the pay off would be ten fold.
If you’ve read some of my other articles, you’ll know that I didn’t do dating very well. It either didn’t go anywhere or went straight to a mini marriage. The old attitudes and beliefs said that I didn’t care much about me, that I would find love by having sex, that I wasn’t lovable, that all guys wanted sex etc, It took a lot of time for my new suit to fit properly, but in time it did. My new belief is that I am lovable, and I am worthy to find true happiness and to be with someone healthy and who loves himself.
My new behavior include being friends with men whom I’m interested in — first. I never took the time to get to know someone before. Sex would always be the only thing we had in common. But there was so much more about me that they didn’t know, and that they wouldn’t get to know, because I would soon discover that they didn’t fit either. I had bought the shirt without trying it on.
I have learned that it’s okay to touch someone when my spirit feels safe to do so, and not when my head thinks I should. I’ve learned that I’m the ‘boss’. I’m the captain of my ship. I’m the director of my play. I trust that my gut, my spirit, my ‘whatever you choose to call it’ knows exactly what to do. As a shirt, I’m not sure of the fit just yet, but I’m going to keep wearing it, and in time, it will fit me just right.
When you decide to take on a set of new attitudes, new behaviors, new feelings, you may develop into a new you, with the same outer shell. You may be uncomfortable at first, feel different and you may consider going back to your old self. Just for today, hang on! Don’t discard the new you, keep hanging out with you. Eventually, your outer shell will dress the way your inner self wants, or vice-versa.
What are some of the new attitudes, new behaviors, new feelings you’ve been experiencing?What are some positive affirmations or self-talk that you can use to convince your inner self that this new shirt will remain in your closet for a very long time?
