“It’s a very difficult problem,” says Michael Cade, a Portland, Oregon, father of a third-grader. “There are so many video game and iPad meltdowns at my house. I’d be interested in hearing how other parents unplug their children.”
“Screens suck,” adds Rhonda Collier, another Portland mother of two. “If I let them, both of my kids would watch them until they died of dehydration.”
Sound familiar? Of course it does. Gadgets and screens are a huge part of this American life, and it’s not just young adults who are walking around like zombies, staring at their smartphones and religiously checking their Facebook notifications. In fact, according to a 2013 report by the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP), the average third-grader spends eight hours a day in front of some type of electronic screen and many teens often spend more than 11 hours a day watching television, using a computer, texting on their smartphone or playing video games.
Consider those numbers and then think about this: After researching the effects of screen time on children’s mental, emotional and physical health, the AAP recommends that children get no more than two hours of screen time per day.
If your teen is one of those 11-hours-a-day kids, cutting their screen-time addiction may seem like an insurmountable hurdle. But the benefits outweigh the negatives, say parents who have enforced specific screen-time rules.
“We’ve done it,” says Jessa Nancarrow, a mother of three who recently moved to South Korea for her husband’s Army career, about unplugging her kids. “At first, it was like taking crack away from an addict. But after a while, they re-discovered the toys they used to love. Over time, it has gotten better, but they still never forget about the video games!”
Other parents report that limiting screen time has had great results on their children’s attitudes.
“We have pretty strict rules about screen time at our house and it works miracles in terms of mood and behavior,” says Cheyenne Montgomery, a Portland, Oregon, mother of three.
Montgomery’s children aren’t super young two are in middle school and the other is a teenager but she notices drastic differences in their behavior when they watch too much television or spend too much time in front of the family’s Wii, playing video games.
“(My one son) becomes irritable and difficult when he’s in front of the TV for too long, and (my other son) loses his ability to listen. The combination generally leads to fighting, bullying and crying,” Montgomery says. “We’ve tried different systems, but the one thing that didn’t work was letting them watch/play as much as they want until they start to fight, and then turning it off in anger. My basic advice is to remove the TV and other electronic toys from the living room so they don’t dominate the family life by default. Make sure everyone is clear about how much time they can spend staring at a screen. Don’t be wishy-washy. Be very specific. As long as they know what to expect, my kids are pretty good about self-regulating.”
For many parents, unplugging their kids comes with a unique set of challenges.
“Limiting screen time is a huge issue in our house,” says Melissa Browning Dekker, a Washington state mother of two young girls. “We live in an area where most parents use television as a babysitter. Bella (our third-grader) has had problems with a couple of the girls at school and she told me she wants to watch TV so she can take part in the playground conversations. She feels left out in a place where she already feels like an outcast. But most of the stuff geared toward kids is filled with teen angst and utter stupidity just what every third-grader needs!”
And for parents who spend a good chunk of their own day staring at a computer, answering emails and video-conferencing with coworkers, setting screen-time limits at home doesn’t exactly come naturally.
“We are tech people,” says Leslie Galliano O’Neill, a San Francisco area mother of two elementary school aged girls. “My husband is a software engineer and I write about tech, so I think it’s smart for the kids to have access to technology. At the same time, they need to be taught how to use it responsibly and reminded that there are so many other things they like to do, too. We’re trying to teach them balance. Of course, as a freelance writer, I have a tough time unplugging, so I need to get better at modeling being offline for the kids.”
Finding a balance is at the heart of the AAP’s screen-time recommendations and the Mayo Clinic has this to say about finding a good balance when it comes to children and technology: “Although some screen time can be educational, it’s easy to go overboard. Too much screen time has been linked to obesity, irregular sleep, behavioral problems, impaired academic performance and violence. Excessive screen time leaves less time for active, creative play.”
So how can you set good screen-time limits for your own children? Here are some recommendations from parents who have found that sought-after balance:
Employ the old “out of sight, out of mind” tactic: “Our TV isn’t in the house,” says Montgomery. “We have an office in our garage. Going out there is enough of a pain in the butt that we really have to think about whether or not we actually want to do it. There’s also a Wii and a computer in the office that the kids can use.”
Kristin Link, a Beaverton, Oregon mother of two, agrees. “I make my older daughter (a sixth-grader) leave her phone in the kitchen at bedtime. I don’t want her surfing or texting when she could be reading or sleeping,” Link says.
Set a rule and stick to it: Link has a strict policy for her daughters’ screen time and has held steady through their elementary school years.
“We have a one-hour-per-day rule,” Link says. “I do let them watch a movie once or twice a week, but then there is no other screen time that day.”
So far, the policy has been pretty successful for Link’s family.
“I find that it doesn’t become much of an issue during the school year because they’re busy with school, music and dance,” Link says. “I make sure that all homework and practicing is taken care of before screens are used, so the time they have left is pretty limited. During the summer, we have the one-hour-per-day rule.”
Use screen time as a reward: At Danika Sitter’s Sherwood, Oregon, home, screen time is a reward for her youngest children. “We have a jar filled with popsicle sticks with chores listed on them,” Sitter says. “They earn screen time by doing the chores. And, typically, their screen time reward happens while I cook dinner. So far, they love it!”
Montgomery also uses a reward system for her tween and teen kids. “We had a system using poker chips,” she says. “Each poker chip was worth 15 minutes of time on the Wii. On Sunday, they each got two chips automatically. Then they could earn extras for doing chores or finishing their homework.”
Share the screen: The AAP recommends that parents watch television or movies with their children and monitor what their kids are being exposed to. Many parents find that watching shows or looking at Internet sites with their children helps reduce screen time and ensures that the experience is at least a little bit educational.
“I find that when we watch stuff together, like a king cobra devouring smaller animals, there are fewer issues than if she watches other things on TV,” says Browning Dekker.
Montgomery agrees. “When we watch TV, we usually do it as a family,” she says.
Find other activities to stimulate your kids’ brains and bodies: The Unplug Your Kids Project, a national nonprofit dedicated to helping families spend less time in front of electronic devices and more time doing crafts and exploring the outdoors, has a great list of non-screen-time activities for various ages. Keep it simple at first: instead of popping a DVD in and watching a movie with your kids, go for a walk around your neighborhood, have family board game nights, read books together or get out those old jigsaw puzzles and step away from the screens.
Interested in learning more about balancing screen-time for your kids? Here are a few good resources to get you started:
Books:
• Last Child in the Woods: Saving Our Children From Nature-Deficit Disorder
Online Resources:
