Sexcetera: He Gave Me an STD
A Burning Question: Should She Tell Her Lover He Gave Her an STD?
Q: What’s the proper etiquette for telling someone that they gave you an STD? I’ve been dating this guy for six weeks and recently developed a burning sensation. I went to my doctor, who says it’s chlamydia. Obviously I cannot sleep with this guy again. He told me he wasn’t dating anyone else. Now that I know he was lying, I’m inclined to break up with him. Should I tell him about the STD or just break it off?
Steve: Are you sure he lied? It might depend on his definition of “dating.” Maybe he’s sleeping with someone he’s not dating. Or maybe he already had the STD when you met. Whatever, you should tell him why you’re dumping him. For one thing, he may not know he has the disease. Many get no symptoms at all with chlamydia. You’ll be doing him a favor.
Mia: I’m with Steve. My guess is this guy doesn’t even know he has chlamydia, so he’ll probably appreciate you letting him know. And if you like him and he’s not lying, don’t break up with him over this. Just get him tested and move on. Don’t feel embarrassed either. Having sex sometimes means getting STDs. Just be happy you got something easily treatable.
Q: I’ve been with a guy for nine months now. We’re both in our 20s and have a great sex life, but sometimes it seems like that’s all we have. He never talks to me, and things he’s interested in bore me. We don’t like the same food or the same movies. We spend nearly every day (and night!) together and have discussed living together to save money. But I’m not sure that makes sense if we have no future together. Is it possible to have a long-term relationship or a marriage where the only thing that works is sex?
Mia: A great sex life and a great relationship are two totally different things. Just the sex isn’t enough. You should enjoy hanging out together and want to share a life for 50 years if you want to get married. And don’t live together to save money! That’s the worst reason to move in.
Steve: Well, every marriage is different. There may well be marriages where the only thing that works is sex. But I sure wouldn’t recommend it. What I do recommend is this: You’d better shop around. Odds are excellent that you’ll meet someone with whom you share many similarities, enjoy talking with, and have great sex. It’s not asking too much if you want it all.
Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the Center City dating scene. If you have a question and want answers to your romantic troubles, email us at firstname.lastname@example.org.