Sexcetera: Can’t Let Go of Affair
Infidelity: What Do I Do if I’m Married and Can’t Get Over My Office Affair?
Q: I am married to a handsome man and have two beautiful young children. Recently, I admired someone from work, and we had a short affair. Now, I just can’t get him off my mind. We still see each other but only at work, and we never really talk anymore. During our affair, he told me he was single, but I found out later that he has a girlfriend. I don’t know why, but I just can’t get him out of my mind. I always want to know if he thinks of me or if he’s watching me. I don’t want to destroy my marriage, but I can’t help it. What should I do?
Steve: If you can’t help it, then you need to get help elsewhere, as in counseling. This sort of self-destructive obsession isn’t much different from being an alcoholic or drug addict. Seek help.
Mia: If you want to hold on to your marriage, get a new job. Leave this toxic work situation immediately. As long as you keep seeing this guy, you’ll be reminded of the relationship. You must put as much distance between the two of you as possible. Also, you should try to reinvest in your marriage. Go on a vacation with your husband or to a romantic dinner. Remind yourself why you fell in love with him in the first place.
Q: After reading your recent responses to the 24-year-old woman whose date lied about his age, I thought you missed a good opportunity to mention Senator John McCain. Both he and Cindy lied to each other about their ages when they were about the same ages as the people who sought your advice. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to have a president who doesn’t lie about something as mundane as his age?
Mia: Oh, come on, if we judged politicians by their personal lives, some of our greatest presidents would fail the test. Look at John Kennedy or Bill Clinton. They were womanizers, but still great leaders. Let’s keep the bedroom out of the voting booth.
Steve: I feel confident in saying the White House has never been occupied by a president who never told a lie. The same goes for the pre-White House mansions. Forget George Washington and the cherry tree. We the people have to hope the lies are little ones.
Steve (not his real name) is 50-something and has been married to his second wife for 20 years. Mia (not her real name) is a 20-something single immersed in the Center City dating scene. If you want answers to your romantic troubles, e-mail them to email@example.com.