Sex and Sangria: Marriage, Divorce and Orgasms
Six Tips for Ladies to Make Certain You Get Your O
Any woman who has ever bronzed her skin with tanning cream knows there are times when going faux can prove the preferred method. But should any woman — married, divorced or otherwise — be faking pleasure? We’re not so sure.
While our male counterparts are rarely keen to admit the women they are sleeping with might not be pleased at all, the reality is that more than half of women in relationships aren’t being 100 percent truthful between the sheets. So, why scream and wiggle instead of letting your guy know how to turn you on properly? The answer is not as simple as you might think.
Orgasm by the Numbers
The most recent orgasm study (yes, you read that correctly) estimates that 72 percent of women have duped their partners at least once in their relationship. A separate study suggests that women in their 20s and 40s are more likely to fake pleasure than those in their 30s due to the early 30s being the peak of sexual responsiveness. While 55 percent of men claim they can tell when their gal is putting them on, some women aren’t so sure.
“There’s not anything a woman can’t pull off well. Men think they know what’s going on with us but they have no idea — especially when it comes to whether or not they are turning us on. They think porn stars are getting off for goodness sakes!” says Hanna, 31.
Why Women Fake It
The reasons a woman might go faux are varied but most of them boil down to pleasing her partner. “I only fake it occasionally when it’s just not going to happen for whatever reason, maybe it’s a lack of sleep, stress from work, far too drunk or something similar but I see that he’s doing everything else right and trying really hard,” says Yasmine, 29. Some women think it comes down to women not feeling comfortable sharing their needs and desires in relationships, especially when it comes down to sexuality.
“I think as women many of us are brought up to accept what we’re given and not to talk about sex, our desires or what we want. I’ve personally never felt comfortable talking to my mother, older sister or friends about sex. Therefore, it’s something I’ve explored in isolation by reading books, etc. I feel men talk about their sexual needs and desires with other men more easily. It’s a way for them to bond,” says Farrah, 31.
The pressure for women to satisfy not only their partners but their partners’ egos becomes more intense when porn enters the picture. With various studies reporting that 40 to 50 million people visit pornography sites regularly in the United States alone, this seems to be a principal player in the sex lives of numerous couples. And porn can have a woman feeling as though she needs to put on a show to compete with the women in the videos.
What about you? Do you ever “fake it to make it”? If you want to make certain you get yours, here are some tips to help.
1. Practice on Your Own.
Masturbation is one of those words that can leave the most mature, intelligent, and worldly woman blushing like schoolgirl looking at a topless photo of Johnny Depp. Self love can be difficult for women on all levels, especially sexually. Getting to know yourself intimately can be a delightful experience as long as you allow yourself to explore what turns you on and brings you pleasure (and what doesn’t) without judgment or shame. Make your solo time an experience by lighting candles or reading an erotic book or romance novel (available at your local bookstore or, if you’re a bit shy, through the anonymity of Amazon). If you are a woman turned on by pornography, don’t be ashamed to look at it. And if lying back and fantasizing about ol’ Johnny does it for you, feel free to live out your own pirate fantasy.
2. Relax, It’s Not a Competition.
Yes, orgasms are wonderful — but approaching the desire to climax as though you’re being rated or as a way to prove your sensuality is a one-way ticket to bummerville.
3. Remember, “C” before “O”.
Most women cannot orgasm by way of penetration alone. The clitoris is the female equivalent of a penis and, just like the penis, it often takes a little stroking and attention in order to get things moving in the right direction.
4. Tell Your Partner What You Want (in a Sexy Way).
Whether it’s more oral sex, romance or caressing your back or breasts, whisper things you’d love for him to do for you in his ear. Many men get turned on by their mates verbally expressing what they love and he’ll also appreciate how into the act you are. The key is not to criticize him or dictate like a drill sergeant. Think, “I love it when you __________ my ________,” and not, “Not that way, put your ______ here!”
5. Do Something Sensual For Yourself Every Day.
Whether you light candles, have a glass of wine and listen to your favorite love songs or jump into a hot, steamy shower after an endorphin-releasing run, there are dozens of ways to get to know the more sensual side of yourself. It’s hard to enjoy sex when you don’t see yourself in a sexual way.
6. Give Your Body a Little Boost.
In 2008, Durex performed a Sexual Wellbeing Global Survey of more than 26,000 respondents worldwide. The results showed that a mere 32 percent of women regularly achieve orgasm. The company introduced Utopia, a female arousal gel made of a proprietary blend of ingredients that helps increase sensitivity to the areas it is applied.
So what are you waiting for? With a little self-care and attention, you are more than capable of achieving your next big “O”.