Red — Fight — and Blue
With the presidential inauguration approaching, imminent changes to policies have many people asking “What next?”
What’s more, the current election season has been one of the most scandalous in recent history, and some are wondering if their relationships will survive the political fallout. For starters, left- vs. right-wing disagreements are sometimes enough to dissolve long-held bonds, even between relatives. During the past few months, you’d be hard-pressed to find a person with strong political leanings who hasn’t either lost a friend or cut off contact with a family member due to differing beliefs. Some married couples are even finding themselves at a standstill — or worse — due to conflicting political opinions.
While it may at first seem trite to consider divorce based on a spouse’s political leanings, for some, it’s not far from reality. In this New York Times story, several married couples have come to blows over their differing political affiliations, with one woman going so far as to issue an ultimatum when she first heard her husband would be voting for a candidate of whom she disapproved. There’s no denying it: politics affect our relationships, for better and for worse. The question is: how can a couple handle such a situation?
Left, Right, and Everything In-Between
According to a study by FiveThirtyEight and Catalist, a prominent political data firm, 30 percent of married households contain a mismatched partisan pair. Of that 30 percent, a third of those are Democrats married to Republicans, while the remainder are partisans married to independents.
Clearly, couples across the nation are managing to remain side-by-side despite different political leanings. But how are they doing it?
Some couples simply refuse to talk politics, even after being married for decades. And others are able to keep the peace, simply by accepting the fact their spouse may have opposing views.
For years, political consultant Mary Matalin and political commentator and media personality James Carville stood on opposite sides of the political spectrum. She was a staunch Republican and George H. W. Bush’s key strategist, while he was a stalwart Democrat and former strategist for Bill Clinton. It’s no surprise the two have often been referred to as the political world’s odd couple. Yet, their marriage has lasted 23 years, they have two children together, and have even collaborated in writing two books.
In their second memoir Love & War: Twenty Years, Three Presidents, Two Daughters, and One Louisiana Home, Carville and Matalin tell a compelling story of their relationship and how it’s been enhanced — not damaged — by their political views, though they’ve undeniably had their differences. “After twenty years of holy and unholy matrimony … we had worked out a way of living together, staying together and being happier,” Matalin explains.
“To be happy under the same roof, we required our own offices, our own bathrooms, and our own closets. We needed a well-functioning kitchen with a double sink, a big icebox, and enough room so our family, all of us — true foodies and amateur cooks — could concoct our meals. We needed a dining room for big gatherings, a lair for mass viewings of TV football games, and a hangout place where our daughters … could be with their friends.”
Asking the Hard Questions
Achieving wedded bliss — despite political tension — no doubt entails establishing ground rules, setting expectations, and communicating with love and respect. At Wevorce we call that being a Peace Provoker. However, for some couples, this isn’t so simple.
Sometimes, a person may find it’s not possible to accept their partner’s differing views, especially when politics affect so many aspects of our lives. Particularly when dating, these differences are important to consider. For instance, if you do or don’t support the next president-elect’s policies, is it a deal-breaker when your significant other takes a different stand? For instance, if you are pro-life and dating someone who is pro-choice (or vice versa), could such a disagreement put your relationship at an impasse? Would marrying someone with a different opinion on this topic even be an option?
One woman relates, “I have a few friends whose husbands voted differently than they did, and it’s causing major problems in their marriages. Seeing these kinds of issues makes me grateful that my significant other and I are on the same side of the fence politically,” says Mara, 37*. “If we weren’t, I don’t know if our relationship could sustain those disagreements. I’d consider us both activists, so we’re both very passionate about politics. As such, I feel fortunate that our views have brought us together rather than dividing us.”
Is Your Conflict Just About Politics?
If political tension is severe enough to prompt one person to consider severing the marriage bond, is it possible your relationship could be suffering from other serious underlying issues?
Could it be financial concerns are at the root of opposing opinions about healthcare reform? Sometimes, it’s not always obvious and, though difficult, open and honest communication is a great place to start digging deep to discover the true culprit. If this is impossible to manage on your own, marriage counseling can provide a safe forum to address buried resentments or hostilities that may exist.
For many, therapy is a sensible first step toward alleviating tension, whether divorce is imminent or not. However, for couples who have gone to counseling without any long-term resolution or who feel their differences to be irreconcilable, divorce may be an option. If you are in this situation and need guidance as to how to proceed, Wevorce can help.
Visit us on the web to learn about our self-guided divorce solution.
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