Becoming a stepparent and moving in with your spouse and stepchildren is sometimes a difficult experience, but it can also be a rewarding one. Some blended families get along just fine with one another, with parents and children adjusting to the new situation quickly. Other cases might be full of tension that may be difficult to resolve.
Moving in with your new spouse and stepchildren is something that should be approached carefully. There is no perfect way to create a nurturing family environment, but there are some helpful hints that should help all new stepparents and their stepchildren adjust to being part of an extended family.
Start Out Slow
The ideal relationship between a stepparent and a stepchild is one that is similar to any parent-child relationship, but many new stepparents make the mistake of trying to jump into a parental role too quickly. A child needs time to adjust to having a new parent, and any good stepparent should respect that. Start out slow when interacting with your new stepchildren. Children are smarter than adults realize, and they will know if you are being insincere or you are trying too hard to take over a parental role. Show your stepchildren the respect they deserve, and don’t take it too personally if they don’t warm up to you immediately. As long as you show them love and respect, most will come around.
Take Age into Account
It’s also important to remember that no two children will react to being part of a mixed family the same way. Some will gladly accept the new situation, while others will be resistant to it. There are some factors that almost always come into play, however. One of the biggest factors is the age of your new stepchildren. Younger children are more likely to accept a stepparent quickly, while older children will be more likely to resist. An older child will be more likely to remember what his or her life was like before you came into the picture, and it’s quite possible that they would rather go back to the way things were even if that isn’t possible. Having a new stepparent may just remind the child of that fact. Once again, don’t take it too personally if an older child doesn’t immediately warm up to you.
How Long Have You Known Your Spouse and Stepchildren?
In many cases, moving in with your new spouse and stepchildren will be much easier if you’re already a large part of their lives. If you’ve been dating your spouse for a long time and made an effort to get to know his or her children, the adjustment to living as a blended family will be easier. However, don’t expect it to be a smooth transition if you and your spouse didn’t date for long before getting married, especially if you didn’t take the time to get to know your new stepchildren. In fact, getting to know a partner’s children should be a prerequisite before any commitment takes place. Children deserve to know who is going to be a part of their lives, and it should never come as a surprise. It can upset them if they find out they technically have acquired a new mother or father almost overnight.
Talk to Your Spouse
If you don’t know how to approach the subject of becoming a new stepparent, or you’re concerned how your new stepchildren will react to being a part of a blended family, never hesitate to talk to your spouse. He or she will know better than anybody how the children will react or how they feel about the situation. The two of you should be making parenting decisions together, and you should always be mindful of how your children will react to any new situation that may arise.
Becoming a new stepparent should be as important as becoming a new husband or wife. This is something that greatly affects not just your life, but the lives of your spouse’s children. Always take into account how your marriage affects them, and always make sure to give them the love and respect that they deserve.
