Melody vs. Harmony
Recently, on the Wevorce blog, we opened up a conversation about Divorce Archetype™ profiles and offered a preview of groundbreaking research we’ve compiled over recent years. This post continues our series: Divorce Archetype™ Profiles Uncovered. Today, we explore the Melody vs. Harmony profiles.
These particular profiles are included in the archetypal layer we refer to as “Influencers” or “Behavioral Predictors” that allow us to identify personality strengths, conflict reactions, habits, communication styles, and parenting values.
Melody (Dominant)
The Melody Divorce Archetype profile is also referred to as Dominant, and this person is often characterized as direct and strong-willed. A spouse with the Melody profile is confident in his or her actions and typically knows what to do in most situations. However, a Melody tends to push for his or her agenda, sometimes talking more than listening, and may become impatient with others. If you relate to characteristics associated with the Melody profile, you likely place value on action, results, and facing challenges.
Think of a melody in a musical context. This term refers to a sequence of single notes that serves as the principal part in harmonized music. Similarly, in a marriage, a Melody is often useful in driving activity and proactive decision-making.
Harmony (Submissive)
The Harmony Divorce Archetype profile is also known as Submissive, and is usually a listener more than a talker. A Harmony is often intuitive — being good at reading both a room and the body language and emotions of others, then reacting accordingly. If you are characterized by Harmony, you likely don’t like to be rushed and prefer to move at your own pace, both literally and when making decisions. When it comes to engaging with others, you tend to defer to others with strong wills. The Harmony may also find caretaking to be fulfilling.
A Harmony likes to support other people and understand what makes them tick. If you identify with the Harmony profile, you likely look for areas of agreement and common ground when communicating with others, and are usually flexible in expressing opinions because you empathize with all sides of an argument.
Again, in a musical context, harmony refers to the combination of simultaneously sounded musical notes to produce chords and chord progressions, which results in a pleasing effect that makes music enjoyable to listen to. A Harmony often has a similar effect on his or her relationships, bringing synchronization and, yes, harmony to a relationship dynamic.
Melody and Harmony in Divorce
When it comes to making music, harmony and melody oftentimes coexist. The same may be true in relationships, especially in a marriage. A more dominant personality can find balance when married to a more submissive partner, and vice versa. While one prioritizes decision-making and quickly takes action to achieve a set goal, the other moves more slowly, and prioritizes communication and flexibility. Couples in this relationship dynamic are like many others when it comes to divorce: the difference in approaches works well — until it doesn’t.
Both dominant and submissive individuals are often drawn to their partners’ complementary qualities early in a relationship. But these same characteristics can cause frustration over time. Especially as couples begin the divorce process, different approaches may create discord during a divorce, much like two musicians playing the same song, but in different keys (and in some cases, not playing the same song at all). A Melody may not seem to “hear” his or her spouse’s feelings, and in striving for a quick resolution, might act in ways a Harmony perceives as harsh or insensitive. On the other hand, a Harmony may appear to his or her spouse as indecisive and slow to move forward.
However, as with all differing Divorce Archetype profiles, it is helpful to be aware of both our own motivators and communication styles — as well as those of our partners. During a divorce, this understanding (and patience with others’ differences) can go a long way toward achieving an amicable outcome when uncoupling.
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Divorce Archetype Profiles in Review
Initiator vs. Reactor (Influencers)
Every divorce will have an Initiator (one who has reached their breaking point) and Reactor (one who isn’t ready to face it). The only variant may be when an additional archetypal layer is added by an affair, during which delicate emotions may seem to be wrapped in barbed wire.
Dependents
The Dependent is rather self-explanatory; if you had children, or adopted children during your marriage and they are still legally in your care, you fall under this profile.
Happily Even After vs. Solo
The Happily Even After profiles describe couples who want to work together to keep divorce amicable. The couples who can’t agree on whether or not to get a divorce, or the terms of a divorce fall under the Solo profile.
Traffic Lights
The Traffic Lights profiles signify the readiness of each spouse during the divorce process. These profiles are: Red Light (also referred to as Positional), Honeystuck, and Green Light. When the Positional/Red Light profile is involved, couples are often unable to agree on most things. In the Honeystuck profile, a spouse may have days when he or she feels ready to move forward — and days when divorce seems impossible to face. Variations of this profile include Gas and Break, Parent/Child, and Driverless. The Green Light profile describes couples that have been wrestling with the decision to divorce for a while, but are now ready to part ways and move on to the next chapter of their lives.
Money Manager vs. Non-Money Manager
The Money Manager profile describes the spouse who handles the finances during marriage. The Non-Money Manager often has not participated in these activities, and may have little to no access to financial account information.
Income Earner vs. Income Supporter
The Income Earner often makes enough money to support the entire family, and this person may be referred to as the sole breadwinner. While an Income Earner may work hard to provide financial support for the family, an Income Supporter has often put his or her career on hold to focus on managing the family, playing a supportive role in helping his or her spouse earn household income.
Saver vs. Spender
Savers will plan ahead and put money aside before making an important purchase, as having a financial cushion for unexpected emergencies makes Savers feel safe. Spenders somehow always find enough money to buy what they want. Saving for a rainy day doesn’t motivate a Spender; they prefer to buy things and it makes them feel good.
Thinker vs. Doer
Thinkers tend to be strategic, thinking through all scenarios before having a conversation or making a decision. Doers learn by taking action, but a doer’s approach to reaching a decision is typically diligent and thorough. Change can be uncomfortable for doers.
Find more information about the Divorce Archetype assessment here.
