Valentine’s Day has come and gone, and many couples used the occasion as a time to express their love. Dinner reservations were made, gifts were exchanged, and photos recounting the day’s passionate splurges filled our social media feeds. For many women, it’s the most romantic day of the year.
But for the married woman considering divorce, the holiday and the days immediately following it can intensify feelings of heartbreak, loneliness, and grief. It may feel like the world is celebrating love, and her world is devoid of it. Especially when a marriage remains intact but is irreparably damaged, Valentine’s Day is often the catalyst for a spectrum of conflicting emotions from hope and longing to disappointment and despair.
However, even for women reminiscing about the past and uncertain about the future, it’s possible to endure one of the most romantic times of the year. Here’s how to cope when you’re in relationship limbo.
Step away from social media.
As children, women learned to expect fairy tales and happily ever afters, but marriage especially a troubled marriage is a different reality. While it may be tempting to post social media updates that hint at a relationship’s stability, selective sharing may alienate those who might otherwise provide emotional support.
Social media has also been linked to negative mental health consequences, according to a study in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology. “If you compare yourself to your Facebook friends’ ‘highlight reels,’ you may have a distorted view of their lives and feel that you don’t measure up to them, which can result in depressive symptoms,” says study author Mai-Ly Steers. “If you’re feeling bad rather than good after using Facebook excessively, it might be time to reevaluate and possibly step away from the keyboard.”
Don’t fall for the hype.
The average consumer spends $116 on Valentine’s Day, according to the Retail Advertising and Marketing Association. This makes it a notable retail holiday but not necessarily a relationship-oriented one. Whether or not a marriage lasts depends on more than observing an annual event. Kind gestures aren’t harmful, but obligatory expressions of affection should never replace thoughtful, year-round interactions with one’s spouse.
Reflect and disconnect.
Instead of participating in the Valentine’s Day din via social media, use the holiday and the days following it to reflect on your situation. As painful as it is, be honest with yourself and communicate openly with others. The first step toward making meaningful changes in any relationship is realizing what can be improved and what can’t be fixed.
Instituting a regular practice of self-care also aids in emotional healing and promotes peace of mind. Research by Harvard neuroscientist Sara Lazar suggests that meditation and mindfulness can decrease stress and change the brain. Even if romance is the last thing on your mind, give yourself the love you crave whether it means buying yourself roses, making time for a hobby, or practicing daily meditation.
Know you’re not alone.
Any woman who has been through a painful divorce knows that loneliness isn’t a curse of the single, it also afflicts those in unhappy relationships. And while it takes courage to admit you may be on the cusp of divorce, it’s also important to remember that no relationship is infallible. Rather than projecting an unrealistic persona of indomitable marital success, surround yourself with people who have been through what you’re experiencing and can provide support.
Remember, you’re not alone no matter what your plans are this Valentine’s Day.
