Relatonships: Americans Look to Astrology to Make Sense of Marriage and Divorce
In 1990, Maria Shaw found her marriage hitting a rocky period. The astrologers she consulted told her she was headed for divorce. She was interested in astrology at the time but hadn’t yet become the celebrity astrologer who now writes horoscopes for the “National Enquirer, Soap Opera Digest and Complete Woman,” and gave weekly forecasts to millions on the TV Guide Channel.
But what she knew of astrology told her that Saturn was transiting her 7th house, the house of partnerships — and also appeared on her husband’s chart, opposing his moon, making it a prime time for conflict. She knew she needed to stick it out until it passed. On a day she was feeling rational and calm, she wrote a 1-1/2 page letter telling herself to weather the storm. “It was a hard time for both of us,” she said. “He got away with a lot of things he wouldn’t have if I didn’t know astrology,” she said.
Once Saturn passed, they got back together. Shaw, who has also published 10 books, including “Soul Mates and Hot Dates” with a chapter on “Is Your Marriage Blessed or Cursed”, now believes she went through that period so she could help others going through the same thing. Based alternately in New Orleans and north of Detroit, where she conducts personal readings as well, Shaw said that 70 percent of her clients ask about marriage, separation or divorce, and 95 percent about relationships of some kind or a potential partner they just met.
Experts say that astrology, the idea that the position of the planets, sun, moon and other celestial bodies can influence our lives can warn people of an upcoming rough patch in their marriage or help them sort out the reasons for a divorce. It can also help, they say, to move on, find a new relationship and, most of all, learn something about yourself. At least one in four Americans think they’re right. A 2005 Gallup Poll showed that 25 percent of Americans believe in astrology, a percentage that has stayed roughly the same since 1990. The Harris Poll also found in 2003 that 31 percent of Americans believe in astrology.
Astrology has roots in several cultures dating back thousands of years. Today, the simplest version is the newspaper horoscope and what people refer to as their sign. This is the sun-sign and is based on the position of the sun on the date of a person’s birth.
Many astrologers employ more complex methods to interpret an individual’s horoscope using birth place and exact time to determine the position of not only the sun, but also the moon, planets and other bodies as well. This type of astrology also takes into account the relationships and angles between all of the celestial bodies and where they fall into 12 houses” which represent different areas of a person’s life. When related to relationships, marriage and break-up times, dates and places may also be considered.
THE 7TH HOUSE AND RELATIONSHIPS
When discussing relationships and the horoscope, the 7th House and what goes on there is often mentioned. “Traditionally, the 7th house is concerned with relationships,” said Sarah Bartlett, author of 16 books including “Fated Attraction – Your complete zodiac guide to Seduction,” and several on love horoscopes. “These include both close intimate relationships, and also ‘open enemies,’ which is what two people in a divorce often become.”
The 7th house has a great influence on how you choose a partner, said Zane B. Stein, an astrologer for more than 30 years and an astrology expert at Allexperts.com. And relationships “ whether they’re brand-new, going well or falling apart, seem to be the main reason people seek out astrologers, he said, far outweighing the next most common reason, which is money. If you’re in one and it’s not working, you’re miserable. If you don’t have one and you want one, you’re miserable,” he said. “I think you would find if you talked to most astrologers, relationships are probably the number one issue that we talk about.”
Bartlett, who lives in Essex, England, agreed. “Most of the clients I see have relationship or break-up issues,” she said. “They often ask, ‘Why me?’ Astrology tells you.”
KNOWLEDGE IS POWER
The benefit of astrology, Shaw said, is that it can alert you to difficulties coming up. “It helps to know that you’re coming into hard times,” she said. Most people think their problems are going to last forever, but they’re not.”
In some cases, she said, if your spouse wants a divorce and you don’t, looking at their chart might tell you what is causing their behavior and whether you can wait it out. “And if the relationship doesn’t work out, a person’s chart can help them learn what went wrong and avoid future mistakes”, Shaw said. “Your chart will tell you what you need from a relationship, what lessons you’ve learned from that other person,” she said.
Bartlett also said your chart can tell you how you approach relationships. “If you know a little bit more about how you love, why you love, what value you place on love, then you can respect, share and tolerate your partner’s perhaps very different values surrounding love,” she said. “Astrology can also alert you to potential problems and point you in the right direction”, she said. “I don’t think the chart can say, ‘Oh, this person’s going to divorce,'” she said. But the chart can reveal factors about the potential for break-ups and bad relationships. There are many signs and pointers to the individual’s ability to sustain a commitment and the kind of partnerships they need.”
Stein, who lives in Atlanta, stressed that while the horoscope gives clues to what lies ahead, the ultimate choice lies with the individual. “We make our own future based on the cycles. You can see problems in the road ahead and opportunities, but we choose our own future,” he said. Stein said he would never flat out tell someone to stay away from someone else based on their chart. “If I see they’re heading for trouble, I’ll tell them exactly what kind of trouble to expect and how much work they’ll have to put into the relationship to make it work.”
URANUS IN THE 7TH HOUSE
What may mean divorce in one chart might not necessarily mean it another, according to astrologers. “There are so many different possibilities, so it really depends on each unique chart,” Bartlett said. But there are some that commonly arise. One indicator often mentioned is Uranus. Bartlett said that Uranus-Moon aspects, with aspect referring to the angle between the celestial bodies, reveal someone who is unreliable in relationships. “The moon is by nature nurturing”, she said, “and Uranus is radical and unstable.”
Luc De Jaeger, who owns Belgium-based Cosmic Technologies and addresses divorce horoscopes on the site, said there are signs in the horoscope that can point to a propensity for divorce and one of those is Uranus. “The most important factor is a very strong or predominant Uranus in the natal chart,” he said. “Uranus always wants to break free, break out and cannot stand to be pinned down in formalities, as a marriage. Also, Uranus and Pluto in the 7th house are marriage wreckers.”
In an answer to a reader at Allexperts.com, Stein mentions Uranus as a potential indicator as well when it is related to the 7th House. But he stresses that much depends on the reason for divorce. “The reasons for divorce are many and varied and they depend on the individual,” he said. “What shows divorce for one person may not for another. One couple might break up for financial reasons, another because of the kids, and another because they’re not compatible. There’s no one set of factors that are universal.”
SATURN AND THE 7TH HOUSE
Depending on when a person was born, Shaw said, Saturn, the planet she believes disrupted her marriage in 1990, may eventually hit their 7th house. Saturn is on a roughly 30-year cycle and when it does hit, she said, it can last 2-1/2 years. “That is the hardest, most challenging aspect to the marriage house. You will be under the threat of divorce,” she said. “I’ve told people to hang in there and then had them call me back to say, I did what you told me and we’re better than ever. A lot of times, if you know it’s coming, it helps.”
Saturn forces people to learn a lesson, Shaw said. “It shakes up lives and forces a person to either let go or strengthen their relationships. If you’re in the wrong marriage or with the wrong person, it will break it apart,” she said. “Saturn makes you firm up relationships. If there are any problems, it makes you deal with them. If it is meant to end, it will. If not, it will grow stronger. And if you pass all the tests, you will come to a new point in your marriage. But once you learn the lesson, Saturn always brings a reward”, she said.
“The end result is always positive,” she said. De Jaeger also mentions Saturn in the 7th house in his discussion of divorce horoscopes at Cosmic Technologies, saying that it points to problems, delays, frictions and challenges.
He, too, advises waiting until Saturn passes. Stein also points to a long period of Saturn going back and forth in the 7th house as a possible indicator when a person reaches a point where the frustration level gets to the critical point and they want out.
NOT ALWAYS MEANT TO BE
Not all relationships are meant to last, Shaw said. “Sometimes they come along to teach us about love orself-esteemm or to bring children into the world. Once karma is finished, the marriage is done,” she said. “We draw partners to us for what our souls need. Sometimes people come into our lives to learn something about ourselves.”
She said she’s often asked how a person can tell if a relationship has truly run its course. You’ll feel stagnant in the relationship,” she said. You’ll feel numb, like been there, done that. You’ll feel like there’s nothing more to give.”
Bartlett said that some charts show that an individual just isn’t cut out for marriage. “Some charts reveal that marriage isn’t necessarily right for that person and they’d be better off living alone or having a series of relationships,” she said.
This, De Jaeger said, can be a hard thing for some people to accept. “It’s not always easy to understand that not everyone is cut out for marriage,” he said. “If people focus in an obsessive compulsive way on a marriage and neglect other virtues, opportunities for growth, they may miss a lot in life. There really is so much more than just a marriage in life.”
Stein said an astrologer might find that two people are just not compatible, but it’s difficult to make them believe it. “You can give them assistance on what problems are ahead, but some things are not reconcilable,” he said. “If two charts have a lot stacked against them, you can give them advice, but it’s probably not going to do a lot of good even if they follow it.”
Learning this while going through or following a divorce can take away some of the guilt people often feel, Stein said. “Sometimes people break up and it’s no one’s fault,” he said. “They’re not bad people. It just happens. They’re not a failure.”
Astrology is about cycles, Stein said. “Unless we do something to change our behavior patterns, we are likely to repeat them. We tend to repeat the same things over and over again until something breaks us out of that box,” he said. “You can’t step out of your own shoes and look at things objectively. The benefit of an astrologer is that they can help the person see things more objectively. Sometimes all it takes is a second pair of eyes.”
Stephanie Obley worked for several years as an award-winning journalist in Kansas, Florida and Utah, covering everything from crime to the environment. She now lives in South Carolina with her family and writes freelance articles.
Astrologer and author Sarah Bartlett offers 2008 relationship horoscopes for each of the sun signs below. Bartlett lives in Saffron Walden in Essex, England, and has been an astrologer for 30 years, including five years for “Cosmopolitan Magazine” and three years for the “London Evening Standard” newspaper. She has published 16 books on astrology, feng shui, tarot and auras, including “Fated Attraction – Your complete zodiac guide to Seduction,” “Women, Sex and Astrology,” and “Your Love Horoscope” for 2004, 2005 and 2006.
ARIES
Make it a year to stand up for your freedom-loving personality and don’t let anyone try to force you into making compromises. There will be many opportunities for new romance after the end of August, when your ruler, Mars, moves into the love angle of your chart. But keep your heart set on one goal – to be loved for being you. By the end of November your dreams will come true.
TAURUS
This is your year to climb into the hammock of self-sufficiency and self-worth. Love may be testing you this spring, but it’s making you more aware of who you need and who you don’t. Take control of your life, and during the summer the right companion is out there. Stir the ingredients of love’s cauldron slowly, and be rewarded with mutual respect and long-term commitment.
GEMINI
Are you discovering that you might be hoping for someone or something that doesn’t exist? Idealistic or not, you begin to be more realistic about your search for true love. In fact, with growing awareness of your own romantic needs, you’ll discover that friends and romance take precedence over long-term routine commitment this year. By July, you can enjoy a real, fun-loving relationship, without craving an impossible dreams.
CANCER
By the middle of the summer you will be loved, and there’s nothing to stop you from loving someone back. All it takes is to see the difference between falling into a co-dependent affair and a mature relationship filled with respect, tolerance and harmony. This year you’ll be on the road to a deeper connection with someone. The only litter on the wayside is all that emotional baggage you’ve carried for so long.
LEO
You want more space to do your own thing. So this year, aim to please yourself first. Resist all those doubts and fears about being independent, and prove that you’re the fiery, self-motivated individual you truly are. By the autumn you’re promised mystery admirers, love triangles (if you can handle the heat) and excitement. Remember, you do have a vulnerable side, don’t neglect it. Love it, and someone else will love you.
VIRGO
Confusion about what you want and what you need continues to bug you until the end of May. This is truly a year to take your time to let go of the past and start to move on. There’s a feeling you want to rebel, but a guilty side of you which says ‘I should be in a traditional relationship like everyone else’. Listen to your heart, not your fears – the latter simply created from family, society, and cultural expectations. This year do you own thing.
LIBRA
Whether you fall headlong in love with someone much older than you, or find a long-term younger pal, this is a year for big changes in your love life. The summer brings a fresh outlook on what relating really means to you, and it encourages flirtatious fun and the good times again. Your destiny will be everything you want it to be if you stop seeking approval to feel good about yourself, and start loving who you are.
SCORPIO
You’re more realistic about love this year. Yet you’re in two minds whether to leap into a passionate affair in the spring, or keep your options open. It’s time to show you have the passion, instinct and ability to adapt to circumstances and love’s rather tangled ways. But there is a part of you which still craves an erotic relationship. By the end of the autumn you could find yourself in deeper emotional waters than you’ve been before.
SAGITTARIUS
Dynamic and challenging, new relationships are adventurous and inspirational throughout the summer. Take the road towards a new way to love this year. You need freedom and independence, romance and a good friend. All is possible in one person, but you’re also an idealist so don’t expect too much too soon. If you look after number one, you’ll have the kind of year which will make you stand out from the crowd and be adored.
CAPRICORN
An important year for you in many ways. Big business and big relationships. Larger than life characters will give you a new lease of life, and you realize that you need an ambitious relationship where you’re bothlooking forward to the future, rather than merely at each other. A fantastic year for personal success and exotic romancing. Commitment is also the flavor of the year come the summer.
AQUARIUS
You may have to learn patience, and you may have to rein in a little of that free spirit, but in nurturing one relationship you begin to realize that there are other ways of loving too. Nothing is forever, but this year you’re in a powerful position to make love work for you. Take one day at a time, live for the present and you’ll soon discover the kind of magical loving you truly seek.
PISCES
Learn to accept the idea that you’re a beautiful fish in a pond of sardines and therefore a pretty desirable catch. Your self-esteem has been on a low for some time. Now it’s about to all change. There will be tests and blame all around, and you may suffer from moments of guilt or self-reproach. But with a growing sense of vitality, you meet the kind of person in the summer who will treat you with respect and true unconditional love.
8 TIPS FOR CHOOSING THE RIGHT ASTROLOGER AND GETTING THE MOST FROM YOU HOROSCOPE
Below are tips for choosing the right astrologer to draw up and interpret your star chart. Most of the astrology experts interviewed likened the process to finding a doctor. You want someone who is both credible and makes you feel comfortable.
- Choose someone who is well-respected in the field, has a lot of experience, has been referred to you or who has obvious credentials such as published books or an affiliation with a publication, or television or radio show.
- If you’re concerned with relationships, see someone who specializes in relationships and not health or other life areas, or someone who takes a psychological approach to readings.
- Go with someone you feel comfortable with.
- Go in knowing what you are looking for from the astrologer. Are you looking for technical astrological advice, insight into yourself, prediction for the future or counseling?
- Beware of people who ask for hundreds of dollars to burn special candles or need a series of payments totaling in the thousands. That isn’t necessary.
- Beware of people who promise to tell you all about the future and exactly how it will be. We ultimately control our own fate.
- There are several astrological organizations, such as the American Federation of Astrologers, the International Society for Astrological Research and the National Council on Geocosmic Research where you can find astrologers who are registered with the agency. This is one way to find out the credentials of an astrologer.
- If all else fails, there are numerous astrology books on the market with everything from “Astrology for Dummies” to “Sexual Astrology.”
