Single Parenting: When You Decide to Date, Make Certain You Go Slow
The great thing about dating another single parent is that they know what it’s like to go through the challenges of parenting alone. I do suggest, however, you spare them your marriage or divorce horror stories until a relationship has been a little bit established.
There’s nothing like scaring off a date more than letting them know how you’ve suffered or what a jerk your ex is… that is a dating NO-NO for sure! However, dating someone with children is comforting.
It is very wise not to introduce your children to your date unless it is in a group or activity setting; and you should not introduce your date to your children one on one until you are very serious about your relationship. Don’t forget, your children have already suffered one loss, it is wise not to set them up for another if you introduce your dates too soon or too often.
You are a role model for your children and you don’t want them to see your love life as a revolving door. If you’ve ever flirted or had a very personal conversation with someone in front of your child, I’m sure you saw some territorial flags go up in them and perhaps some reactions of jealously occurred. Children don’t want to feel like they are losing you to someone else, they are very protective of their parents and their parent’s affections. Sometimes, it is important after a loss to spend some time alone, and build up the relationship with yourself and your children.
You may need to develop skills in releasing any left-over anger and resentment, or residue of sadness or fear. And, if you jump into dating too soon or too quickly (better known as ‘rebounding’) you can create a situation similar to the one you left behind… attracting the same kind of person (better known as ‘the wrong kind’). So, as a single parent entering the world of dating, you need to be careful here in your choices.
You need to keep yourself safe and most importantly — your children safe. As single parents, our plates are already full with the responsibilities of school, home, work, and elements like time management (better known as ‘juggling’) and financial concerns. Dating almost seems frivolous.
As women and men, though, we need to be nurtured and loved as much as your children do; we need to be fed so we can feed and nurture our young. Having companionship is a very important piece (and peace) of our sanity. So is finding the appropriate person to date and develop a relationship with. So, I say — go for it! Be wise and go slow as you begin to date.
