Living Alone Doesn’t Mean Living Lonely
It has been 10 years since my (second) divorce, and while in some ways my life became harder and in other ways easier, there was one thing I hadn’t anticipated about being suddenly single at midlife freedom.
Well, I’m not exactly free; my boys were 9 and 12 at the time, so they lived with me every other week. Plus, I was working out of the house full-time for the first time since my kids were born and trying to juggle everything; parenting, chores, work solo. But the weeks when my kids were with their dad were a gift; a gift of time all to myself, which I never had (or, more accurately, allowed myself) in my marriage.
Yes, there were times when it felt lonely, when you’re used to your kids being around 24/7, the house is eerily quiet (and clean!). But it didn’t take me too long to start using that me time in healthy, happy ways. I started hiking and biking more, going to plays and hearing music, socializing with friends and, eventually, dating.
I began to understand why so many people who live solo prefer living solo, they’re free! And, for many who find themselves divorced, as I am, that can be extremely liberating.
Freedom, as I wrote before, is the Lady Gaga of words for the divorced, everyone talks about it. You can eat chips and salsa for dinner, wear sweats all day, leave the cap off the toothpaste tube, have a boozy Game of Thrones TV marathon with the gals and no one is going to give you crap about it.
But that doesn’t mean we’re actually choosing chips and salsa at the exclusion of everything and everyone else. There are about as many misperceptions about being divorced as there are about being single. That’s why dozens of other single bloggers and I are writing about independence this week in honor of Independence Day.
Being single does not get you off the hook as a caregiver. Obviously, I’ve been caregiving, I have kids (although at 19 and 22, they don’t need hands-on parenting anymore, generally!). But I’ve also been present for my parents, who are both now sadly deceased. As their health began to fail in recent years, I had been flying back and forth across the country for their surgeries, rehabilitation, and for visits, and spent a lot of time coordinating their care by phone and email from 2,500 miles away. Interestingly, studies indicate more singles have been caring for their elderly parents than married folks.
Being single also means you don’t take the people in your life for granted. I’m in a relationship of eight years, but since we don’t live together it’s a lot easier to create time for myself. At the same time, not living with someone makes you appreciate him or her that much more, another upside of living solo.
That includes friends, too. Nurturing my friendships matters a lot to me, and we regularly get together and check in with each other. I feel part of a community and actually have had many more meaningful experiences with my friends post-divorce than while married, which studies seem to indicate is fairly typical.
I know many have the perception that being alone means you’re lonely. Sure, everyone has moments of loneliness, but I was startled to read about a study in which 62.5 percent of people who said they were lonely were married and living with their partner.
All of which means no, one is not the loneliest number.
This article originally appeared here on OMG Chronicles.
