Many people want to visit with a mediator before they talk to their spouse about even wanting a divorce, let alone a Wevorce. The conversation usually involves questions like:
- How is mediation different than hiring an attorney?
- Can we complete all the documents once we complete mediation?
- How much does it cost?
- How will I know my needs are getting addressed?
- Will somebody be on my side?
- What if he/she does not want to do this?
- What if he/she already hired an attorney?
- What if he/she is already taking all the money and moving?
When divorce is pending, people often stop communicating with each other and are fearful of what the other person might do or how they may react.
Wishing divorce isn’t happening doesn’t change the fact that two people who once said they would love each other forever are now at opposite ends of a precarious teetertotter. Each knows that if one gets off, the other might either crash to the ground or be left stuck up in the air with no way to get down. Each begins to position their exit strategy for the best chances for themselves. Each person begins to live and act in fear that their spouse will do the imagined worst possible thing and the sky will fall.
At Wevorce, we believe there is a moment still possible, before the imagined sky falling, when both people have a reserve of reasonableness with which to come to the table and engage in a supported conversation. It is a moment to hold the teetertotter with invisible cables and stop the motion long enough to make a stable plan to help everyone get off safely. We do not take sides at Wevorce and we do not believe that anyone is bad, sick or stupid. We believe in life and the invincibility of change. We want to help you to gather your resources and make a graceful transition. We want you both to feel empowered and engaged in your own decision-making process together in the same way you were together when you planned to get married but with a new agenda of untangling.
If you want to ask your spouse to join you for a Wevorce consultation, the key is recognizing that your spouse may need to come to the decision without your prompting. The other key is that if you have not yet even brought up the topic of getting a divorce, you may want to take a step back and get whatever support you need to have that conversation. Wevorce teams have been known to hold space for these conversations and have had couples come to the table and decide to stay married. This is a small percentage because most couples that want a divorce, want a divorce. However, if two people have not been talking, sometimes things come up that shift the situation and then people settle down and work on their marriage.
Here are some things to ask or say to your spouse when you are having the conversation about getting divorced and how you would like to go about it:
- How do we want to look back at this?
- How much of our resources to we want to spend in arguing?
- How can we work through this respectfully?
- Would you be willing to consider something different than the traditional litigation route?
- I’m sorry…I have loved you…and I want us both to continue to be the best people possible.
