Helping Kids Adjust at School
It’s no secret divorce can be tough on kids. When Mom and Dad begin living in separate houses, the shuffling back and forth can be stressful for both parents and children — but especially for kids who have changed schools.
For parents undergoing a separation or divorce, helping kids succeed in their respective learning environments is crucial, but it’s incredibly difficult when they have little to no control over their child’s behavior while at school.
Despite even the most perplexing challenges that may be facing your family, ;there are several ways parents can ensure their children get the support they need while in the classroom and away from home.
Start the Conversation
A child’s school can play an important role in helping children adjust to parental separation and divorce. However, parents must first inform the school of the situation at hand, starting with the principal who can assist with what teachers and counselors to bring into the conversation. Make sure the appropriate people know about the changes happening in your family and offer pertinent background information so they are able to watch for ;behaviors that may need to be addressed.
One mother relates how the public school system provided support for her six-year-old daughter: “When I went through my divorce, I talked with [my daughter's] school counselor. She was very helpful, and [the two] met a few times to talk about her feelings. It helped her a lot to know that the counselor was available.” She adds, “At every school since then, we have met with the school counselor together, so [my daughter] knew they were there to help in any way. Because of that, she understands they're a resource.”
Depending on the school, there may be resources available beyond the typical child-counselor arrangement. Some private schools have been known to offer private parent-teacher meetings, and may work with you and your spouse on separate billing for tuition.
By starting the conversation, parents can help school officials be better equipped to provide timely and relevant support for children affected by changes happening within their families.
Make Use of Available Resources
Divorce is difficult enough for parents, but no child should have to experience such a transition without a support system — one that is able to provide guidance, perspective, and a listening ear. School counselors, in particular, can be an important first step toward creating this support system.
Jill Cook with the American School Counselors Association explains, “School counselors work with all students on academic, career, and social-emotional development so students can be successful in school. There are many factors that can interfere with a student’s ability to be successful and divorce is one of those.”
Since most schools have at least one counselor available to help children undergoing stressful life changes, why not schedule time for your child to meet him or her? It may be difficult to ask for additional help when you as a parent are trying to hold the fabric of your family together during the unraveling of a divorce, but that’s exactly what counselors are there for.
A counselor can also serve as a mediator between parent, child, school staff, and outside resources. Because school staff is often the first to witness how a familial transition is affecting a child’s behavior — whether it’s through withdrawing or adverse reactions to stressful situations — a counselor will often have insight into whether or not additional support from a family therapist may be needed. If necessary, he or she will likely be able to refer parents to professionals in the community who focus on helping children of separated and/or divorced parents.
Some schools’ counseling departments even offer support groups for children of divorce. “School counselors may offer a small group for students who have experienced family change issues, particularly if the students are experiencing changes in grades, behavior and attendance,” says Cook.
Work as a Team
Despite any hostility that may exist between parents during a divorce, it’s important that Mom and Dad set aside their differences and work together to help their children adjust. While, at such times, you may not feel like much of a team, when it comes to your kids, you must try to think like one. Remember: your children’s best interests should come first, and if that means sharing shopping responsibilities or taking turns driving your children to and from school, your efforts will go a long way toward helping kids adjust.
When providing addresses and phone numbers via school paperwork, make sure that school administrators have detailed contact information for both parents, so each can be notified in the case of an emergency. This prevents resentment and ensures the lines of communication stay open between the school and both parents, so Mom and Dad can remain informed as to their child’s educational well-being.
It’s important to remember each school is different and resources available in some communities may not be available in others. However, by starting the conversation, making use of resources, and working as a team, parents can help kids successfully transition through divorce.
