Grief to Gratitude
Thanksgiving is in just a few days, but if you’re on the brink of divorce, it’s likely difficult to focus on gratitude during such a time. Over the past few weeks, you’ve likely heard friends share what they’re thankful for, but it may feel impossible to make similar expressions if it feels like your life is unraveling.
So we’ve dedicated much of November — National Gratitude Month — to finding answers. Specifically, how does a person find JOY, FAITH, and HOPE — despite grieving the end of a relationship?
Last week, Wevorce held a Facebook LIVE event, during which we shared some of our stories, as well as practical ways to overcome grief and develop gratitude during difficult times. (Watch the replay here.)
Most importantly, we also asked you, our online community, to recall some of your darkest times and share your stories, all in the name of joy, faith, and hope. We have been greatly moved by the heartfelt submissions we received. They reveal how a person can begin anew despite great pain. We invite you to read on and be inspired by stories of HOPE.
“When my marriage ended, I had hardly a penny to my name, no real career or education to lean upon, and dismal professional prospects. I had no children to focus on, lost most of my friends, and relationships with many of my family members became strained. I’d be lying if I said I ever felt anything other than downright despair (hope has a funny way of eluding those who need it most).
It’s taken me a few years, but I now know times of great loss to be preparation for times of future abundance. In retrospect, I realize I had to strip away unhealthy relationships, habits, and beliefs in order to make way for a life that was healthier and more authentic. It meant losing a lot, but I gained even more.
One thing I gained was reinforcement. As old friends stepped out of my life, new ones stepped in. The friends who gave me the most hope were the ones who had experienced heartbreaking divorces but were now living full, abundant lives. I was grateful to them for trusting me enough to share the nitty gritty details about their own divorces; it made me feel I wasn’t alone. They had made tremendous sacrifices to get to where they were, but they were happy. And I knew that if they had gotten through it, then so could I.”
– Emily*, divorced for 6 years
In another submission we received, one woman explained how patience — 12 long years of it, in fact — helped her find hope during and after a challenging divorce.
“In a strange way, divorce is all about hope. We hope things will get better, hope things will calm down, hope tensions will be lessened. We hope our children emerge intact, our friends remain loyal, our families supportive, and our employers empathetic. We hope for a fresh start. Suffering through the multitude of losses divorce inevitably brings, we naturally turn to hope as our salvation.
Twelve years into the process, I can say this: hope in divorce requires shaman-like patience because nothing is impossible but it never happens quickly. For me, things did get better but it took five years. Things did calm down, but it took nine years. Tensions did finally lesson — after eleven (long) years. But when I say “better” I actually mean radically, emphatically, unequivocally, and mythically B-E-T-T-E-R. As in amazing. So cling to your hope and never let it waiver. Be a shaman, a true believer. Anything is possible.”
– Cindy, divorced for 12 years
Finding hope during and after a difficult divorce isn’t easy. But the above stories show it is possible. Thank you for opening up your hearts to us and sharing how you’ve found the way.
*name has been changed
