Saving Marriage: I’m More Career-Oriented and He Wants Me Home More. What Do I Do?

Q: I am a career-minded woman with an entrepreneurial mind-set, and after a whirlwind two-month courtship, I married a guy who is content to be a 9 to 5 wage-earner. He lives to get off work and spend time with me. I love to be involved with my work until whenever…He wants me to come to bed while I’m accustomed to staying up late planning my career moves. He over-reacts to my lack of attentiveness, and I can’t tolerate his drama. He came from a world of routine emotional upheaval. I did not. We’re separated now and considering divorce or reconciliation. At this point, it could go either way. Any thoughts?

Sounds like you guys have reversed roles in the sense that you are more concerned with career growth than the average woman, and he’s more concerned with the relationship and emotional connection than the average guy. While I understand that women have the right to excel in the careers of their choosing, I think married women need to understand that regardless of the gains of the feminist movement, most men still want to feel like the king of their castle and the center of attention when they come home.

Staying married is often a sacrificial act of love where ideally both spouses bend toward the center, thus creating a sense of oneness. Since it sounds like he’s more into the relationship than you are, you’ve got to decide how much your career matters to you relative to your marriage and if/how you desire to have more work-life balance.

Make your decision accordingly. It was a decision entered into without much forethought, which is another subject for discussion, and one that requires some soul-searching on your part not just about the failing marriage, but about your decision-making style and your priorities in general.