Faith: After Divorce, Consider Reaffirming your Relationship with God
Writing about how I met my wife might be a funny way to start a column on a divorce web site, but if you’ll stay with me I think you’ll find a point in here somewhere.
The first time I met my wife she had just stepped from the shower wearing a towel. Wait, that’s going to need some explaining; this isn’t that kind of Web site. After our high school graduation we both took a summer job working at a conference center in New Mexico. My mother was visiting and recognized Becky’s last name as one belonging to my father’s former seminary classmate.
“You went to kindergarten with this girl!” my mother exclaimed. “Have you met her?” No, I hadn’t met her but perhaps I could start a conversation with something like, “Hey darlin’, did you know we shared a nap blanket once?”
It seemed like a fact that would pique the interest of any girl. So with the line committed to memory, I hiked across the grounds to her dormitory lobby. In the absence of phones, I asked a girl to summon Becky.
Later, Becky would tell me that a girl pulled her from the shower saying, “Some guy wants to meet you.” What does he want?” she asked. “I dunno,” said the girl as she raced away late for work.
Unimpressed, Becky put on a full-length robe and pulled it tight about her neck.She then wrapped her hair in a towel to meet “some guy” in the lobby. Of course, I’d spent a half hour combing my hair and picking the right jeans, but here she came shrunk-wrapped in a corduroy robe and towel. “Hello,” I said. “Is your dad’s name Wil?”
“Yes,” she said squinting to better see her strange inquisitor.
It was then I carefully delivered my line which was exquisitely timed to impress her. “Our dads were in seminary together and I went to kindergarten with you!” I blurted. Still dripping, she gave a thoughtful response. “So what?”she said.
Undeterred, I asked her out for a soda and a walk. She cautiously accepted, warning me that this wasn’t a real date. During our walk, she told me her life story and philosophy. I spent my time staring into her blue eyes and whiffing her freshly shampooed hair.
My roommates later asked what I thought of Becky. “She’s got some funny ideas. I’m not sure I’ll ever date her again.On the other hand, I could marry her.”
Getting to know God can be like a courtship in at least two ways.
First, if you’ve experienced divorce, you know that sometimes the courtship can go badly. Some of us have had bad experiences with religion we’d describe as toxic religion. However, when they do go bad, that shouldn’t preclude us from trying another relationship. Finding a peace through knowing God is the really pinnacle of all relationships.
Secondly, don’t expect to be in that relationship overnight. It rarely happens as fast as it did with the Apostle Paul, AKA Saul. Saul was at the top of his career path persecuting and killing Christians when business took him toward the city of Damascus. Somewhere along the interstate, a light blinded him and a heavenly voice asked him to reconsider his career path.
He did of course.Wouldn’t you?
However, most of us who search for God have to look a little harder.We take cautious steps. We’re not sure of the answers because we haven’t figured out all of the questions. We seek our spirituality in everyday life, taking baby steps toward knowing God.
We get to know God by talking to God, questioning God, and eventually by knowing God’s love. It’s a courtship of sorts.And during this courtship, God takes us in our questioning state, accepting us just as we are until we are in relationship with God. Slowly and surely, this new relationship transforms us into people who have the ability to live happy, joyous, and free.
Becky turned out to be the cautious one. We started our real dates, three and a half years after my drippy introduction. Six months later, like God, she accepted me for better or for worse.
