Dr. Romance: Finding your Next Spouse

Dr. Romance: Finding your Next Spouse

Relationships: 3 Tips to Finding — and Keeping — your Next Spouse after a Divorce

You’re divorced and ready to look for a new love. Here are three tips to help you as you search for a new partner in life.

1. Know the difference between fooling around and building a real relationship 

You can mess around with anyone (if you’re careful and have safe sex) but before you bring someone into your life, or share money or living space, remember they’re bringing baggage. Know what’s hidden, what’s not said at the beginning. Their baggage becomes your problem. Remember, whoever you’re dating is on best behavior. It gets worse later, not better.

2. Understand your own needs

Need a lot of space? Want lots of affection? Have to know what’s going on all the time? Or are you able to relax and go with the flow? Whatever your style is, it’s OK, but you need to know it and be able to communicate it to your future spouse. You can train each other, if you both know what you need.

3. Don’t seek romance, seek partnership

Romance is for dates, and fun to have on occasion in your marriage, but it’s partnership that will get you through the rough times. Don’t look for someone who sweeps you off your feet. That indicates a control freak, and you won’t like what happens later. Look for someone who likes give-and-take, who seeks your opinion and considers it, who cares about what you want, too.

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