If Your Spouse Is Using Viagra, Read This.
After a decade on the market, Viagra has helped thousands of men get back in the bedroom. But it may spark other problems in the home that can eventually lead to divorce, some marriage counselors maintain.
The erectile-dysfunction was introduced into the market 10 years ago and became one of the best-selling drugs in history. According to Pfizer pharmaceutical’s official Web site about Viagra, 25 million men have taken Viagra since it was introduced.
Experts say the biggest problem is that men take the drug without talking with their partners, making them instant Don Juans — which their partner may not be prepared for. And sometimes, their improved self-esteem sends them looking for new, more willing partners.
A report published by the Harvard School of Medicine entitled “Sexuality in Midlife and Beyond” suggests the drug may help resolve relationship pressure caused by erectile dysfunction, but can cause other issues: “When intercourse is suddenly a possibility again, relationship issues can emerge or resurface, as can dramatic differences in libido. The bottom line is that couples should try to regard these drugs as an opportunity to renew their sexual relationship, while realizing that ED drugs are neither a mandate to have intercourse nor a panacea for every problem in the bedroom.”
The 48-page report was edited by Dr. Alan Altman, assistant professor at Harvard Medical School, and Suki Hanfling, a licensed clinical social worker and certified sex therapist. The report helps readers understand how to deal with the emotional issues concerning sex, including taking Viagra.While there are millions of success stories about Viagra use, the study notes, “The medication works only if the man is feeling sexual desire for his partner.”
Hanfling, founder and director of The Institute for Sexuality & Intimacy in Belmont, Mass., said, “Viagra should be a tool for a couple, not just him. Couples should work together to solve their sexual problems, but sometimes that doesn’t happen. That’s my biggest problem with Viagra.”
According to Hanfling, when a man takes Viagra and his sex drive goes from a little to a lot, that can cause problems for his wife. However, if a couple works together and the husband tells his wife beforehand, then it should enhance their marriage. “If someone is going to take Viagra my advice is that they talk about it with their partner before getting it. Possibly they should even go with their partner to the physician’s office to find out how to best use it,” she said. “A lot of men will use it and have sex, but they leave out the woman,” she said.
If a divorce resulted from too much action in the bedroom or because he went out looking for someone else, she said it was unlikely the drug was the only problem in their marriage. “There is certainly the possibility that a husband could have an affair after taking Viagra. However, as a couple gets older and they spend their lives together, an affair late in life doesn’t necessarily mean the end of their marriage, but it can complicate things,” Hanfling said.
Jenifer Jacobs, a spokesperson for Viagra, said wives dealing with oversexed husbands “are very rare situations.” She suggested that readers learn more about the drug by going to Viagra.com.
Don Moore is a veteran newspaper editor and reporter who spent more than 40 years working at newspapers around Florida. He recently retired from the Port Charlotte, Fla., Sun-Herald. He can be reached at donmoore39@gmail.com
