Being married to someone who is emotionally distant is not easy. Your relationship may feel like a roller coaster, with you constantly fearing that you’ll be left alone. Your efforts to get closer may be repeatedly shut down by your spouse. If any of this is true about your marriage, then you know that your partner is emotionally unavailable.

Some of us can be emotionally unavailable at some point in our relationships, owing to certain changes or events in our lives. But if a spouse is never there to support you emotionally, then it’s a clear red flag. Here are a few truths about the emotionally unavailable husband that you need to know, as well as questions you should ask yourself.

1. He May Be Unavailable Due to His Past.

If a man is emotionally unavailable or too protective of his emotions, it may be due to a bad experience in the past. Your husband can seem happy, like he hasn’t a care in the world. But maybe he went through a painful breakup before he married you, or he is going through a tough phase in his life. In that case, his behavior is understandable. If not, he may not be interested in this relationship.

2. He May Not Be Open to Sharing Feelings.

It’s not uncommon for men to be less chatty about their feelings than women. But they will often open up to people they are comfortable with, such as a spouse or a close friend. Some listen more than they talk. But it’s worrisome if your husband does neither. An emotionally unavailable husband often won’t bother to share his feelings and may be reluctant to discuss anything personal. If your spouse never talks about anything beyond small talk or surface conversations, doesn’t seem to listen to you, or doesn’t regularly ask you how your day has been, then you might want to think about the state of your marriage.

3. He’ll Often Be Unavailable in Your Times of Need.

Has he ever been present in situations when you needed someone to comfort you? Before you jump to saying yes, really think about it for a second. If your husband actually helps lighten your load or comforts you when you’re down, you would probably not be reading this now. And you would not be the one carrying those heavy bags from the grocery store and taking care of the kids all by yourself. If he is not present to comfort you or support you in times of need, then he may not hesitate to leave you on your own if he feels the need to.

4. He Won’t Hesitate to Mislead You.

It’s not uncommon for men to be less chatty about their feelings than women. But they will often open up to people they are comfortable with, such as a spouse or a close friend. Some listen more than they talk. But if your husband does neither, it is worrisome. An emotionally unavailable husband often won’t bother to share his feelings and may be reluctant to discuss anything personal. If your spouse never talks, listens, or asks you how your day has been, then you might want to think about the state of your marriage.

4. He Won’t Hesitate to Mislead You.

Your husband may have roped you in because he needed someone to comfort him. If you have been waiting for him to be in the marriage — but he hasn’t, it may become clear that you have been misled and manipulated by him in some way.

Emotionally unavailable husbands sometimes subconsciously lure partners with empty promises, which often results in a codependent situation. They, too, may be dependent on you for certain things and will try to keep you close enough that you don’t call it quits.

If you have been trying to make your marriage to an emotionally distant husband work, it may be time to stop and prioritize yourself. Talk to your partner and make your needs clear. Let him know you expect them to be met. If he cannot, maybe it is time to take a long hard look at why you are in this marriage in the first place.

Remember that emotionally unavailable husbands are honest about where they stand, even if they’re not saying it. They make it clear in many ways that they have never been fully committal. If that’s evident in your case, move on by accepting the fact that they might never be there for you. But if you believe there is still a chance with your husband, talk to a marriage counselor who can be unbiased and put everything in perspective for the both of you. And if your husband is genuinely concerned, then he will make an effort to make things different in the near future.

5. He May Never Change.

The thought of him changing might feel good, but you are only fooling yourself if you believe that someday your husband will suddenly be there for you emotionally if he hasn’t been up to this point. For someone who is emotionally unavailable, the relationship is often nothing more than a comfort zone. There are usually promises, but barely any change. Years into your marriage, you may still be hoping he will change and start giving you more time.

Emotionally unattached people may change, but it’s totally on them to work on it. If you have expressed your needs and waited long enough for your partner to be as involved in the relationship as you are, it’s time to make peace with the fact that your emotionally detached husband is not going to change. And move on!

About the Author: Aradhana Pandey is a writer from India. She covers topics concerning parenting, child nutrition, wellness, health, and lifestyle. She has more than 150+ publications to her credit. Aradhana writes to inspire and motivate people to adopt healthy habits and live a stress-free lifestyle.

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