I agree divorce does kill something in you. You are not the only one that has experienced that. I am definitely a different person. Some ways for the bad and some ways for the good. I am more guarded which makes it hard to really bond to that level again. Yet, I am also stronger this time around. I am aware I have survived the last and will survive this also. For me it was especially hard to allow him to be in the male dominant role with me and my children and give up my role. I am the parent no matter what. It doesn't change for me. I am also the major bread winner in our household and the responsible adult here. I cook, I clean, I take care of the kids, I work, and I pay for 75% of our bills. I understand most relationships has a male role and a female role in it. But, when you take on the majority it blurs those lines and makes it hard to feel you have a partnership. This is where my choices in a mate are flawed. I chose this man to have a relationship with. At the time of my choice, he was a little better than now. But, as he changed I gave him too many excuses and waited instead of jumping ship. Now, it's to the point he has burned through several jobs; drives me crazy with talking about how great he is or all that he does (which he doesn't), thinks he is in the driver seat but is offering very little into the relationship or even the household. He tries to dictate to my kids gruffly and even to me. All the while, he can't even take care of himself from paycheck to paycheck and constantly dips into my resources. This really takes a toll on me and my sexual drive. We had amazing sex but lately, I have trouble mustering a drive with all the craziness. Maybe I am so dysfunctional due to my last divorce and that is why things have steadily gone south. Maybe he quit trying. Either way...it has affected everything.