Will he regret it? Or will his life be (gulp) better than ever?

[bumble]

I'm not expecting a prediction, but just wondering for those who have either had an affair or been cheated on...tell me your story.

My husband cheated on me and left me for the younger woman. I have so much trouble accepting this. I know it won't help, but I wonder if/when he'll regret it. Will they live happily ever-after? Will they crash and burn after 2years? Will he ever truly be remorseful or will he be able to move on with ease and never look back? How long will he be clueless about my pain?

I know no one can answer these questions but I'm just curious about your experiences.

Thank you for sharing!

[kmar]

I have a wish for you (and for all of us here, for that matter): that YOU will learn NOT to regret it. You have a chance to move ahead without the lies and disrespect, which corrode self-worth. May you come to see his betrayal as a release and opportunity for a better life.

[donewithhim]

My husband and I have been married for almost 14 years - always rock solid - the kind of couple that always said how lucky we are to have such a great relationship. He traveled a lot for seven years and finally got a job that would enable him to be home with us regularly. So, we packed up our three kids and moved from GA to OH - my kids ages 11, 10 & 8 did not want to move but we told them it was for our family and that we would see dad all the time! Five weeks ago I found over 9,000 text message exchanges between my husband and a woman that reports to him at work! I knew we were in kind of a funk but attributed it to the move, the new job and us adjusting to being a normal family together all the time. Once I found out, it was like a wall went up - I've only gotten one apology via text message and he says they are just friends and she's not the reason that he's unsure of his feeling for me anymore - but I know that's not true. I asked him so many times if he as happy since we moved and he always said YES, I asked him to move out two weeks later because he was so distant, still going to work functions with her and not working on the marriage at all! He said we are just going through the motions and missing passion and butterflies although we were still regularly having sex, hugging, kissing, etc. I can't believe he uprooted our family here only to change his mind. I know it's been only five weeks but I'm close to filing for divorce. He keeps trying to move back in but I know in my heart it's only because he's fearful of losing the kids and afraid of ruining his reputation because he has a high profile job and he's big on image. This man that has always been so loyal and my rock is talking down to me and trying to place the blame on me. Says he doesn't know how to try because we've never had to try before. It's truly insane that he's so willing to throw away all of these years together so quickly without even trying. He says he's not ready to end the marriage yet he's done nothing to try and I refuse to be a doormat. I can't believe this is my life and everyd

[nony]

You will eventually pull through this. Don't worry about the ex. Karma will eventually catch up. I have been divorced for almost 2 years now and I still consider her now and again. I've learned to move on and work on myself. I don't hate her but it has done more damage to her relationship with her children. Selfishness and borderline psych problems don't bold well for her future.

[angsal1]

I’m so sorry to hear that. I’m also was married for 13 years and 2 years of relationship in total of 15 years with the person I thought he was my soulmate in the good and bad. Now we are totally strangers only with kids. I been separated barely 9 mths and he is having the time of his life. He promised me he loved and will always be together. We had plans when we both retired to travel. In a split of a second he change and said he never loved me. He said he wanted to be alone and to be with his kids and goals. Know within 2 months he meet a women with 3 little girls and his happy with them. I thought he wanted to be alone. He has never tired to come back home only when he felt alone he was their. WTF. U r a strong women and no matter what god will be with you every step. Don’t put your guard down and give him and yourself time to see if comes he is meant to be with you if not he was person passing thru your life and god has someone better for u. Even though it’s hard to let go. I know that for me it’s still hard but not impossible. I know it’s going to be hard and u don’t want to loose what u both have but this is the only way to see if he really loves u and want to be with u the rest of your life. My ex. left and he said he was done with me but with a month moreless he would come to our house to be with the kids but wanted to be intimate as well but only that. I left him do that because I was afraid to lose him but at the end of the day I had. Know it’s been a 1 month in a half that I finally put my feet down and shut him out of my life. I feel sad but strong too because I’m worthy of a good man in my life. I regret not doing since the very beginning because maybe he would of seen what he lost by know. Now I feel I’m barely starting and it has been 9 mths know.

[Moon]

My dilemma... Married 21 years two amazing boys but due to some circumstances weive in separate homes for 4 years. We visit as many times as we can and we were well I thought we were both working on getting out family United as soon as the boys finished their school. A gentleman reached out via social media informing me his wife and my husband had or are having an affair and she had his children. I confronted my husband which he denies and I'd working on getting a DNA test... Now he has cheated on me before and we worked through it. I don't know what to believe I am hurt, sad, disappointed I want to drive to his house and confront him, he is 4 hours away but im scared i Will just fall in his arms with out him showing me if this is true or not... Do please any advice? Divorce is in my head but do I wait for proof? The only proof this gentleman gave me was an image taken 2 years ago she was at his home sitting on the couch. My husband said her and her son stopped by do he can work on her car... I am do conflicted and confused

[RyLaK]

Same situation and I question the same thing. Constantly. He did say he had made a mistake and asked if I would consider getting back together but then he married her the next week (one month after our divorce was final). Everyone tells me their relationship won't last and that he will eventually apologize for what he has done to his daughters and I, but I just don't think so. Now that you're coming up on a year from this post, has anything new happened?

[Kandice]

Im very new to this group, I have been trying to deal worth my heartache on my own for over a year. My husband admits that he has a friend, that they have been sexually active, yet he still wants to be sexually active with me. He wants us to go back to being best friends. I'm 9 months pregnant with our daughter and very emotional over my marriage. He says we never have to get divorced but his heart is no longer in our marriage. He blame me for his cheating. He says he wants me to remain a part of his life but just not live together. How am i to accept this?? It's to hard. I cry a lot, just wanting him to love me as his wife

[Venusrocks]

I am sorry to hear this as it is similar to what happened to me. You are not alone.
He is playing you. He does not respect you. He is most likely a narcissist and extremely emotionally immature with insecurities that he projects onto you. It is not easy, but you can make it without him. Who says any woman NEEDS a man? The opportunities that await you and your baby far outweigh staying in this situation out of fear and lack of confidence in yourself. The misery involved in this will only bring you farther down...and what kind of mother can you be while you are entrenched in this misery. You are essentially a punching bag so to speak. He is emotionally abusing you. ALL of this is about him and his need to self reflect and learn to find appreciation in what is important instead of what he could be missing. It is NOT because you aren’t good enough. Keeping you on the back burner is a deceitful and cowardly way to cheat and humiliate you.
You do deserve happiness which sometimes comes in the form of courage. It is through the fire that you will be cleansed.
The hell with that horrible man. There are better ones out there.
Best of luck to you! All of this is temporary and one day you will look back and KNOW you did the right thing by kicking him to the curb and respecting yourself.

[Venusrocks]

He will never know if your pain because he does not feel things as you do. He lacks empathy and with that he lacks his own ability to really enjoy true emotion. He may never regret a thing but it isn’t because of you. Look up “emotional abuse recovery” and “recovery from narcissistic abuse”.... you see, NORMAL people don’t do this to other people they claim to love.
Hang in there... with time and work on your own self care you will slowly see how much better you are going to be without that kind of “love”. It was a trick. That is hard to believe or understand, keep educating yourself and take care of you. Life is going to be SOOOOOO good he will only be sorry that his, in fact, SUCKS.

[betterwithouthim]

I had to back and see what your name was because I thought maybe this was an old post I wrote a year ago. He also moved us from Nevada to California, only after a few months of being there he started acting weird. That's when I found the hundreds and hundreds of text messages going between him and his EMPLOYEE. At first he was "sorry" but I think it was more that he got caught and was afraid it would hurt his job. It went from that to him wanting my son and I to move back to Nevada. I was afraid he'd withhold funds from us so I agreed. He tried to give me the they were just friends "with kissing" and it's not the reason why he wanted a divorce. That's where he blamed me for the divorce, for him being unhappy. For him cheating. Yup, all my fault. So we left and moved back home. He didn't want me to get a lawyer, he wanted me to walk away with nothing after a 20 year marriage. Nope. I got a lawyer took him for some sizable alimony that I'm deserved so I can try and get on my feet. He is very very bitter now. I also don't understand why he'd want to throw it all away. Our credit is ruined, we are now all in the debt up to our eye balls in lawyer fees. It's insane. His son absolutely hates him. He had just gotten a good paying job that he loved and was building his life there (he was 18 at the time), and his father doing this swiped it all away from him. I will never understand it.

[TheProfessor]

@bumble I had a boyfriend cheat on me. I know that's not quite the same as a partner but he had already asked me to marry him. At the time I was devastated. There were days when I'd be driving to work and suddenly I would just sob uncontrollably to the point I had to pull over. I had panic attacks. The cognitive dissonance was intense. The kindness and love I knew about us didn't resonate with those actions. Now when I look back on that time I still remember the intense pain of it but when I see his face in my mind's eye I can't believe I felt that strongly about him. I think the grief was more my desire for what could have been and not for what was actually there.

Many years after our breakup I saw him at a restaurant I was eating at...there was nothing on my part. No pain, no panic, just nothing. It was kind of a relief.

[Catmom87]

I’ve been married since i was 17 and after 13 1/2 years together my husband admits to me he has been having an affair with a 20 year old and she’s pregnant.at first I have it all I had to still stick with him,I accepted what he said and said I forgive u we can work this out no matter what.at that time his words were I can’t be around the house I feel to guilty I need to leave so he did just that took all his clothes big ticket items to sell and left.i still tried on keeping us together thinking that this is best for the family,but then one day we were arguing and he punched me in the chest,along with my chihuahua,and I was in shock! But once again I said we can work it out don’t worry about it. And then one day I just snapped out of it,I just moved towns and got a new job, and then he comes around saying he can’t stand being without me and he will do anything I ask of him.it was too late for me,my emotions had changed for him,I could feel every day pass by without him when he left me, and each day made me feel how much better I was without him and enjoyed my days more and more.right now we are co parenting but he’s still insisting we need to be a family again, ya now that’s he’s gotten it out of his system he’s good to be with me,but before he wouldn’t answer his phone, he didn’t allow me to see phone record and he just got up and left me and our daughter-9yrs. I told her why I couldn’t be with her dad anymore because I knew it was very difficult for her,she’s the only child also,and she told me don’t worry mom I understand why your not with him,because he had another girlfriend behind your back,it’s ok don’t worry.she surprised me with that but also enabled me to recognize that yes I definitely had made the right desicion.

[ric3]

I agree with kmar and nony...don’t trouble yourself with the doings of an ex. It’s like being wanting the neighbors two doors down to crash and burn. It isn’t worth your time or effort snd you can find plenty of positive things to do that concern your life and your wellbeing. Peace!

[Iamshe]

How are you coping?

[Tomasmom0502]

I am in the same boat. I have an infant son. I have been married 7 years and he is leaving us for someone new. It hurts more than anything I have ever felt before. I am worried about my sons stability. I do not work and he left us with nothing. I will never forget this. This hurt is something no one deserves to experience. I am scared but only because I want to do right by my son. I am getting a lawyer and going to get what I can. I am also going to go back to school. He is emotionally abusive and I need to learn how to move on. Good luck to all the other women on the same boat. God knows we need it