My wife of 10 years and I decided to separate. It wasn’t a knock down drag out break-up, thankfully. We have two kids (8 & 5). Our marraige has been on the rocks for about 2 years now and it just felt like it was time. We have agreed to keep the peace, think of each other’s challenges and help where we can and most important of all, to continue to be the best parents we can be. The stbex’s grandmother gave her about 1/3 of the money for the house she bought last year, so I had to move out. Although I am not mourning the loss of my marraige, I am scared to death of what to do next. I am staying with a friend until I can find an apartment. I have the kids over for a week straight, so it’s a bit tight and awkward. I have been using Tinder, but am afraid to start dating right away, as it still feels so freshly over. I just feel like I need to give it much more time, yet I long to get to meet and know somebody new. I am also nervous that if my stbex knew I was dating then our peacefull transition will become a war. Not sure what to do, but just learn a bit more about myself and grow from the experience. I try to keep an open mind and heart.
Sounds like you’re approaching things with a level head. Don’t be in a rush to start dating. Wait until the dust has settled and continue to do your part to keep the peace. Your children will benefit from it. You need to learn who you are without a wife as the experience changed you. Be patient friend…peace to you!
Thank you Ric for your response. I will hold off for now and hope for the best. Take care.
I agree with ric3, the TINDER thing is a pain.
Right now you really need time to kool…
I can say this cause I went thru the same thing…minus the kids.
Take time for YOU. Do something that you LOVE to do and do it.
Her finding out your dating is tricky. She can use that against you in custody.
In some respect just go off the grid for a bit.
My ex and I had an agreement that after I move out that I could leave some of my things there until I found a place to put them. I had a key to the house and she was fine with it.
BUT after she realized that I really didn’t want to see her anymore, she changed the locks and I really became amazed at just how someone that wanted the same thing turned.
What you have to do now is show that you are putting yourself back together with the kids being #1.
If you start dating off TINDER or any site…she could say that you are unfit.
One last thing…
Finding out WHO YOU ARE becoming may not NOT BE who you thot you were.
Each day will bring out new side to you, some good and bad.
From a females point of view. I also separated a few weeks ago and although I don’t feel the need to jump into another relationship, it is normal to browse social media and see what is out there and reassure myself that others may want me. I will probably need a few months to work on finding me first before I jump in.
In response to the others wanting me…I did too from the dating sites. Not to be crude…but you are, as I was told I was…new meat. So you will get all of the attention. BUT believe me…most of those guys are pigs. I have heard from more then 1 or 2 women I have dated from those sites. They are players/fakes/scams. Will promise you the moon but never show up.
So then there are guys like me. I have to scream to be heard over the DIN of the others.
After awhile,the pictures and stories are the same across multiple sites.
I feel worn out, used. Mentally fragile to the point wanting to curl up and die.