My husband and I have decided to make our home the united team and stop trying to be teammates with the other household for a while now. It hasn't been working. Co parenting is pretty much non existent with the other household and the mamma bear does not share, but dictates. If she's not happy with how my husband parents their children, then she starts the belittling, shaming, and negative comments that are thrown at him and me. She refuses to work with me, and she still has not met with me after I tried to reach out with an extended hand (for about 3 years now, gave up a year ago). In her eyes, she only wants to parent with her ex who happens to be my husband. She has been remarried for a while but continues to keep her own husband out of the loop with everything.
I believe that if children are living in a home with other caretakers other than their parents... then everyone should be on the same page. For step parents, this does not mean that they get a say in how the children are raised, but they could at least share in what's going on, share pictures, be comfortable in reaching out should an emergency come up. The only information I have is when my husband shows me her crazy emails and texts. This hurts me, but I also feel it empowers me because so badly she wants me out of the equation, and this somehow makes me feel apart of the team. The problem is that it's starting to leak into my home and cause problems between my husband and I, and now my husband wants to keep everything from me.
I'm fearful that one day, she could say "you have no idea what's going on," and she would be correct. I don't want that with my teammate. Any advice would be welcomed!