My husband and I have been separated since the end of October. We said it was in order to give it a chance to work but shortly before we split I found out he’d been talking to someone who I not only knew but had worked with. He admitted to it but said it was over and he felt awful. I was made to move out of our home, with my daughter and had to come to my parents home. I had no job, neither did he, (he was laid off 2 years ago and never went back to work. Just does odd jobs for cash) he still doesn’t after 2 years but I’m once again working. I’ve paid the bills, he’s not repaid me one cent. I did begin to realize my own faults and started to repair them. I admit I wasn’t the most pleasant person to live with and took my work problems and anything else out on the two of them. He began to notice my changes for the better and we got closer and a couple of weeks ago on my birthday he proposed we start seeing each other more often and during spring break while my daughter was gone, I’d come home to stay with him for a trial run. I’ve been there for him while he was sick, helped him with money, shared my good times and bad with him over these months. He tells me he will call and seems to forget every time. The day before what was to be our week together I was supposed to meet with him to discuss it. But when I got there, his vehicle was there but he wasn’t. And there was a satin robe in the bed. Next thing I see is her car, the one he’d said he left behind, pulling in with him in the passenger seat. He gets out and tells me he wants her. I slapped him. After a few hours I returned to get my belongings from the house and walked into a different story. He says he lied because he felt like a piece of trash and had to hurt me with untrue statements to make me go. That there was nothing he could say to make it better at that moment so he made it worse saying he loves her. Now he says he loves me, never stopped and wants us to have a chance but he needs to change his life around and needs space. He said he will drop her for good but I’m not sure he will or even has. I’m in pure Hell at my parents house. They are horrible people. I’m trying to save up some money now so I can rent a place with my daughter and just let him figure it out. He was an absolute Rock Star of a human being and husband once. I do know that much of this is from a place of hurt and I feel like it would be wrong of me to walk away at this point when so much of what he’s dealing with may have been caused by my actions at some point. I love him with all my heart but am so angry with the cheating. I never expected he’d be one to do that to us. Am I doing the right thing? He still picks my daughter up at school for me and occasionally has her come to the house after school with him and I’ll get her when I leave work. I do know he loves us. That’s never been an issue. But I can’t be in limbo anymore. This was supposed to be 30 days. Now we are working on 5 months apart.
Then move on.
He has…you need to also.
He wants to have his cake and eat it too.
I think you know what to do.
AND IF ANYONE says that YOU need to make things work…don’t listen to them.
You have a daughter that your actions will affect her. She is watching what you are doing.
Show her what it’s like to be a strong woman.
I’ve been married 10 years and on 7th year we were not happy together so we separated. He started seeing another woman a few months later. After he slept with her he felt horrible and came crying back. I took him back and we moved on from there, now at our 10-year mark we are getting a divorce he blindsided me. Not with the woman he slept with but a friend of ours that he thinks he might have feelings for, they haven’t slept together yet but he has feelings for her. It has made me realize that we are just not meant to be. Yes I’m in pain and yes it sucks. We have two small kids 4 and 8. But it made me realize that I deserve true happiness and I deserve someone who will put me first as I always have him. Someone to treat me right as I have treated him, I’ve never cheated and I’ve always been there for him. I’ve always tried to make sure he was happy and put him first and it was never enough. I guess the point I’m trying to make is if the person is not happy with you now and you still love them there’s no way for you to make them happy with you. To be truly happy you have to be happy with yourself and then you can be happy with someone else. If you’ve lost who you are and you’re not happy with yourself then that’s the first thing you need to find it’s your happiness. Yes my world is upside down right now but I know that my happiness is important and that’s what my kids look up to. You deserve so much better don’t sell yourself short.
I agree completely with what you say. I’ve helped this man and I’ve been too available. After he screwed up and realized what he had done he’s been better but I still feel like he’s not pulling his weight in the relationship. He finally has a job interview to go to and he seems excited which I’m glad for him but I don’t know if he will end up taking it. I can only hope he does. He keeps telling me he has issues he has to deal with and if I can wait for him, he will be the man my daughter and I deserve. So right now I’m here if he needs me but I’m not going to push or try to call or text every day. I’m not being available so he can use me. I’m focusing on me, my job and my children and trying to get out as much as possible so I don’t think about it. I love him, that’s obvious but if he’s not going to man up soon he WILL lose me. His gravy train will be leaving the station.