I've been married for over 35 years. I am so tired of all the ups and downs, walking on eggshells, never ever getting what I want, always being the one who did wrong, and I'm not going to take it much longer. This will be my 2nd attempt at filing for a divorce.
The first time was 3 years ago. He talked me out of it. Said all the right things and I fell for it. I am so nervous because this time I am jobless. I am on unemployement and having a hard time finding anything worth applying for. I already talked to an attorney and he said he could probably get spousal support for me for up to 3 years. Our 3 children are all grown and moved out. Thank God.
Also the last time I filed my husband wouldn't leave. He lived in our storage shed for a couple of months till he sweet talked me into letting him back in. I had caught him looking at porn on the internet and checking out single ads online. He broke the computer so I wouldn't have any evidence. He has even gone as far as pulling a gun on me. I told him to go ahead and shoot me (at least I would be in heaven). He has threatened to kill me and himself a couple of times. He has never hit me. He has purchased himself toys over the years like a boat, motorcycle, 20+ rods and reels, 15+guns and rifles. Whatever he wants, he buys. We are not rich, he buys used stuff most of the time. But he never buys anything I want.
Most of the time I just want new stuff for our home, like a new sink and faucett. I'm so tired of always making excuses when anyone asks us to come out. We rarely talk to each other and he has slept in the livingroom for over a year now, so there is no intimacy. I did tell him last week, that I am going to file for divorce because I cant live like this anymore. He said I would be sorry that I would realize I made a mistake once it was over.
I am scared, but we haven't been happy for years and I just want some peace and no more walking on eggshells. We have seen several counselors and the last one told me, You need to leave him. My problem is I always chicken out. I'm scared. I've been miserable with him for over 35 years. I'm 54 and feel like I deserve to be happy, but too scared to make a change.