Trying to get courage

I have been married for 10 years and my wife will be the first to admit it’s been a rough 10. She has stood by my side though some pretty crappy things (chronic illnesses, legal issues) and I can’t say I did the same for her. That being said, I didn’t want to end our marriage because she is a good mother to our children and I do love her. Over the years, I’ve fallen out of love with her.

A year ago, I met someone who also happened to be married at the time. At first, it was just for sex but we started talking more and more. We clicked. She left her husband 3 months after she started seeing me, not because of me but because they are both attorneys and never saw each other. She stopped seeing me for a short period after she got divorced but wanted to see me again. We have been falling deeper and deeper in love since then. I want to leave my wife but I do not have the courage simply because I feel guilty about leaving her with two small children and she is also a stay at home mom.

3 months ago, I consulted with an attorney about the divorce process and it sounded pretty reasonable to me but I still wasn’t brave enough to go through with it. My wife also has her own issues in that she suffers from depression so I’m always thinking about that and how she’d deal with this. This past week, we reached a breaking point and she left with the kids and stayed with her parents. I talked with my attorney and got her to draw up the paperwork but as soon as I saw it, I freaked out and chickened out…again! My wife says I can’t play with her emotions like this and I agree.

The woman I’m in love with and want to start a life with is so crushed and devestated that she doesn’t want to see me anymore until I have my sh*t together. I guess what I’m posting this for is advice on how I can muster enough courage to go forward with this. I don’t see how going to a counselor who will suggest I will work on my marriage will help since I don’t want to be there.

Should I tell my wife that I’ve been cheating and that I’m in love with someone else even though it would crush her and I don’t know what her reaction would be due to her depression? I want us both to be in a good mental state to be strong for our children. Thanks for any advice.

There is no honor in f#cking around on your wife, betraying your vows and basically pursuing self gratification while living a lie. That is the opposite of character & integrity. I understand your dilemma, I just judge a person’s character by their choices in life. And you have revealed a great deal about your character. You either handle life’s challenges honorably or you don’t. Justifying your behavior by painting yourself as the victim is not honorable. You don’t need courage…you need honor. Just my 2 cents.

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Okay, first off… I am in a bad mood. So take this from where it comes. Your wife has stood by you through legal issues AND chronic illness. You state you have NOT done the same for her. You fell out of love with the person who supported you in good times and in bad.She paints a damn pretty picture for you. She is raising your children while you go screw around with an attorney of all things. This woman you claim to LOVE won’t hang around until you get your ■■■■ in order? Sounds like you found yourself a winner there. (That is being typed sarcastically). Hope SHE stays by you the next time legal issues or chronic health issues arise. I wouldn’t count on her.Divorcing your wife is probably the best thing for her. She will get alimony, child support and the kids. You will get to see them on occasion, which seems like your priorities have been elsewhere anyway. While you are out with a cheating attorney… your kids are without you in their lives. Good choice DAD.GEE, your wife is depressed. Wonder what could have caused that? Perhaps her husband who has had chronic illness, legal issues and is a cheater. You think she doesn’t know. I have been there. We know. Deep down… we know.Really? You need a counselor not to save your marriage, but to figure out how to grow the heck up!While this may seem pretty strong. I sincerely DO wish you the best in the future. Your children need you to grow up and be their father, not someone else’s play thing. I hope you at least do the admirable thing and NOT fight alimony, custody, and child support. Give that woman you married what she deserves–R E S P E C T.Squirrel-- able to crack nuts with her bare hands today.

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Totally don’t understand having the balls to cheat and lie, but not to file divorce papers. But no matter …I will just say ditto to Squirrel’s post … I feel bad for your wife. Your mistress got what she deserved. Your wife deserves better.(Oh, and have no doubt that mistress will be finding someone new while waiting for you to get your sh*t together … cheaters don’t stick around very long.)

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