My stbxh has been having an affair with a married woman for over six months. When he left me he had no intention of telling me about her & it was only because of my confirmed suspicions that I did know.
The girlfriend is still with her husband (and according to my stbxh) has no proof of the affair AND believes their marriage is salvageable. When & if she ever tells her spouse she plans to do it under the same guise that mine did — it is all your fault, you are worthless, yada yada .
So my question is this — Should someone tell the husband about the affair? I go back & forth with it. I wish someone would have told me. Yes, it has been going on for some time — so how could he not know? Well — when I had suspicions my husband was able to elevate them & even my family and friends found ways to explain away his behaviors. SO — I could still not know all these many months later.
I have asked myself while I would want to know - does that mean everyone would? Probably not. I have also pondered whether I am telling more to hurt her and my stbxh. I know there is some of that involved there. It isn’t all altruistic motives.
I also question whether this will cause serious ramifications in her life. I know - I probably shouldn’t care. But I do. What if he goes crazy and hurts her or my ex?
SO — the questions is —
Should I tell the husband of my stbxh’s girlfriend about their on-going long term affair?