Teenage daughter does not like mom's boyfrient

My teenage daughter use to be civil with my boyfriend but suddenly she is more reclusive, stays in her room texting or watching tv. I have talked with her about being more friendly (at least saying hi when she arrives at our place) and being less reclusive.

Then, yesterday, my boyfriend talked with her, calmly i would like to add. She stormed out of the room yelling, I don’t have to listen to you , packed her stuff, and left to go outside to wait for me. I am depressed … sad … stressed because either she exaggerated or my idiot ex added stuff, he said he’s going to court to have her not stay with us. I have lived with this man for almost 3 years. Divorced 5 years. I am sick of court. I am sick of my ex talking bad bad about my bf and now this. I am pulled in so many directions it’s making me nauseaus

Teenagers are hormonal, insecure, sensitive, dramatic lovely creatures. So let’s start there. Further, if her relationship with her dad (your ex) is a close one, she’s feeling defensive and possibly torn by his opinion of your life with the bf.While a certain amount of patience is needed with teens in general, a teen whose family life is not intact requires even more understanding and patience since her world is not ideal (and she too probably feels torn).As for her attitude and rudeness, that can be addressed in generalities (not specific to the bf). Rudeness and bad manners should never be tolerated. It’s just bad behavior and typical boundary testing (teenage acting out) that must be addressed in no uncertain terms by her parent(s). Give her space but call her out on her behavior and make it known that she is to treat everyone in the home with respect unless the situation demands otherwise (she’s being abused or mistreated).Keep your boyfriend out of the disciplinary aspect as he has no rights to have a voice. It’s a tightrope you’re walkin

She used to be civil - now she’s not. Something has happened to cause that change. What happened? That’s where you need to concentrate your efforts. I suspect that whatever happened was either embarrassing or inappropriate. If it’s the first, she may be so embarrassed that she won’t want to tell you. If it’s the second, she won’t want to tell you - for fear of not being believed, fear of retribution (from you or your BF), for fear of being perceived as disloyal, for fear of having her life in upheaval, for fear of upsetting you, and worst of all, for fear of not being believed - it’s her word against his, and she perceives that you’ll take his word over yours.I suggest that you encourage her to talk to someone (anyone other than you & your BF, Dad and his GF) about the change in her behavior. A counselor, a therapist, a clergyperson, a teacher (if you’re willing to wait until school starts - I wouldn’t be). If she’s honest with them, one of two things will happen: she will be encouraged to talk to you or the authorities will do it for her. You need to be ready to face either outcome as a calm parent.We’re here for you.

This is my own opinion, so take it for what’s it worth. Children of divorce have enough to deal with without having to deal with an unrelated adult residing under roof who is involved with their parent. We can’t tell kids it is wrong to have sex and live together and blah blah blah and then shack up in the room down the hall. Adolescent girls don’t generally feel safe and secure around men who are competing for Mom’s time and affection. If he were her step-dad, that would be different, but right now he’s just some creeper who lives in the same house, has authority over her, and may be seen accidently in his tightie-whities. It’s not a good mix, it’s not a good idea, and it’s not healthy for a young girl who is now discovering her own sexuality. At the very least she deserves her own room with a lock and the ability to have it be her sanctuary when she wants alone time.