Surviving a wifes Midlife Crisis

[hopefull1]

I know everybody' story is different, and maybe I just need to vent some - first day on this site and maybe just need to hear from the ladies out there who can openly discuss their own midlife crisis . But couple of questions: Is there such a thing as a midlife crisis for women? Is there a deeper, unaddressed problem of a women who feels they need to break up a marriage of 13 years, 5 kids, and ask a loving devoted husband to divorce because she's NOT IN LOVE anymore? Whats a guy to do who's open to reconcilation wants to work on any and all problems, both his and hers - when I women only states there is no love, no point in trying?

Divorce papers filed next week, I'm in couseling, crushed, starting a serious walk with GOD (as right now it seems to be the only thing that makes straightforward sense in this totally immoral world) - and she's out dating, crusing the bars, working out everday, ignoring her children, blaming me for all her unhappiness. Read a very helpful book titled Surving your WIfes' Midlife Crisis - found online - and I can take away all the advice and understanding it was intended to provide yet still without my wife recognizing her issues, admitting there are unresovled issues she's refusing to address and work on - its just the most painful experience that I can see would drive a unstable, insecure man over the edge What does it take for a sensible practical women to fall back in love, realize all she had, and what terrible series of decsions she's been making the last two years. Is there another guy, serious lover, no...but she thinks there is her soulmate outthere still. Or maybe its just the freedom to run around single - get to drop the kids off and have a quiet weekend to herself.

For a women who proposes to be of solid Christian Faith, how does she reconcile what she's doing vs. what the bible says about Divorce and Adultery. Claiming that she has GOD s Grace and that Jesus has died for her sins and forgives her - almonst gives her an unfettered license to commit sin after sin. Quite scary the transformation that took place from the loving caring person I married- someone who always cared first for those she loved . Not a quick transformation either, I watched it happen over many years, with each child she got edgier and edgier, more demanding and controlling. She is a child from a mother that divorce two times in her first 17 years - mother was nut job, seem she had overcome this diastrous childhood, but not its repeating itself in her adult life.

I'm doing just okay at the moment - so hard to be forgiving, supportive and hopeful when there is such negativity and constant unjustified, irrational attacks. Thankful the divorce process has been very collaborative, there hadn't been any fights over money or custody/visitation of the kids - she's only looking for her freedom or independence. Thankfully I've accepted the LORD fully into my life at this troubling time, I do receive comfort from HIS word, however as I come on all the parts about marriage, unconditional love, it makes me very sad to realize that my ex has not only left me, but has also lwalked away from GOD.

Is there Grace for a women who walks out of marriage for unbiblical reasons cause she's not in love or not happy or doesn't love her husband as a wife should - all in her words. All thoughful replies are appreciated....short answer such as move on is callous and doesn't truly understand the struggle I'm having with this all and the beleif I have that GOD can work miracles. But still He who brings it do you, will bring you through it.....

[kevin90]

I believe that she is gone. You will be a mess for a year, but you will survive and be more empathetic for those who have suffered from such an experience. Keep your kids out of the loop. Donot run down your wife to them. They will draw their own conclusions in time. They will reward you daily as my 3 sons do today. Consider Isaiah 41:10--1 Peter 5:7...................The way we handle our problems defines who we are. When difficulties arise, so do opportunities. Since you have values, decisions are easier to make. A decision can be the hardest thing to make, but do it. If she is unrepentant, divorce her as you have the scriptural grounds. Protect the family arrangement of which you are the head. You will suffer a lot-- but afterwards you will be stronger. What is strength without a double portion of wisdom? Don't trust your heart as it is treachourous. Use your mind as it is full of new information. I believe she is gone and you must become prepared for a rough year ahead. Kev

[vlady]

I think women do have mid life crises. I think we feel like we have been taken for granted.When was the last time you took your wife for date? Just you and her? When was the last time she felt sexy? How about some candles and a nice bath the two of you?We as women tend to give and give. Of course we are going to feel taken for granted. When was the last time you did something for her????I can tell you from first hand experience why I am on this site. My ex was a jerk. Nothing was good enough. I have 3 kids and all the responsibility. I can just imagine 5. Let me give you the day in my life.Get up around 6:00AM, showered, dressed woke up the kids. Helped them dress, have breakfast and drop all three of them off to school (hubby was a school teacher and could not not help me out...whatever). So I get myself to work, come back home (finally got him to help me out...he had to pick up the kids after work..remember he is the teacher with all this free time....Came home, started dinner, drove first child to soccer practice. Came back home, continued cooking, set the table. Gave boys a bath, left again to pick up daughter....You get the picture.....at night he could not understand why I not feelling the mood. In between this, I was called an incompetent mom. Right jackass, that is why I am the financial consultant you are the teacher..hmmmmm.Where you the supportive husband or like mine?

[cassiopia]

I read your story and I envy your faith. After my H first texting relationship in Dec 2008, I really turned to God and prayed a lot, asking him to heal me and him and that He was the only one who could change things. I found out in June that my H had been doing it again with an old friend from 20 years ago. I saw things that broke my heart in emails to her on facebook and then in his fake email account. Fortunately for me, this time I was prepared and not afraid to lose him. He says he saw that and it has made him realize what he has and how he is the one that ruined all this past relationships. I still don't trust him. It hurts to remember, but at the same time, I am willing to give him one more shot.I think I have become angry at God, like He let me down and I haven't done much praying since. I have 4 kids too, this is my 3rd marraige. I dont want my kids messed up but I have made mistakes and now I am paying for them. Have faith that you are doing the right thing. Love your kids like nothing else matters. They know the right thing and know who will be there for them. Take care of yourself. Keep your faith. Be strong.God Bless

[LIT51]

understand how you feel
but God will not go against man will
otherwise he has the powet to change man but he wont
this has to be a voluntary process
if we make one step he will make two
read my posts and you will understand

[LUCIMIKE3]

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