So... do I admit adultery to speed things up?

Last October, my wife of 18 years decided she was done with the marriage. Starting chasing after 19 year old, etc. The whole midlife crisis thing. She abandoned the bed on October 26th, and we haven’t slept together since. She’s tried since then to stick me for money, but has failed at every turn as her divorce has no grounds.

In April, we agreed to allow each other to have outside relationships, as we knew our marriage was over. This was done verbally, outside the court system. Anyhow, the both of us are in a hurry to get this over with. After our relationship agreement, I pursued a relationship with another woman, and did consummate that relationship.

My wife and I have already signed a separation agreement which includes her waiving all right to alimony, and 50/50 custody of our children. We are both OK with this arrangement. My question is this: If I owned up to technically committing adultery, could that harm me at this point?

Does the 3rd party need to get involved? My wife pretty much knows I’ve done this, and she knows who I’ve done it with. She does’t really care either. But she cannot prove it. If I don’t own up, we’ve got to wait another 8 months for the divorce to be final. If I do, it’s an immediate divorce.

If you give your spouse grounds for divorce, she can try and likely will succeed in throwing out the agreement and trying for alimony or other changes. Not saying she’d get it, assuming you were separated before the adultery occurred, but it could throw a wrench in the works, delaying the divorce by more than the 8 months you hope to save, and costing more in legal fees as well.I also wonder about your reason for being in a hurry. Like it or not, you are in a rebound relationship. Sometimes they last, mostly they don’t. So if you are wanting the divorce in order to be able to move forward more openly with the new woman, then I would suggest that you wait. If you spent Oct-April alone, getting reaquainted with your single self, that’s good. But another 8 months before jumping into another 24/7 relationship would be better.

the agreement you have means ZERO until it is signed by a judge - you would be in a word, stupid, to admit to your affair to save time, when in the end it could cost you a lot more money (that is instant alimony to her btw for being wronged) and who knows what else the judge might penalize you with. dunno why you are in such an all fire rush, but people who go full speed ahead with iffy brakes trying to save time by not doing things the right way tend to either crash into walls or go flying off cliffs.

I would wait - what’s 8 months? You will then have your whole life ahead of you to be single. If you do state something now it may changed everything - just because it’s out in the open and lawyers like to try to get more out to get more $ out. I’d wait since you both have a fair agreement of 50/50 and things sound cosiur at this point and what’s best for the children would be not to tell them about this…