Sleeping with my ex husband

Okay, I have to get this off my chest. Just a reminder- I was blindsided in Oct 09 that he wanted a divorce, found out he has a girlfriend, we divorced in March 10. He tells his adult kids that he is in love with the thing . But he comes to see me about once a week and we talk and have a sexual relationship.

I know that this is considered not healthy for me and can keep me from moving on but I don’t want to end it. And yes, I won’t lie, I am still over the top in love with him though I know we can never put us back together again. I enjoy sex but am not one to sleep around and feel comfortable with him. I have only been with three men in my life. Toys don’t do it for me.

We have a good relationship and hope to always stay friends. And I do socialize with friends a lot so know that I am not sitting at home waiting on him to call. I also find it rather funny that he says he is in love with her but still having a relationship with me. Kinda Ha! You did it to me and it was okay and now I am doing it to you little princess!

Still think it’s a great thing to have and be a cheater? Karma? He tries to shove her down the adult childrens throats to meet her but they do not want to. They say they will never accept her but he just keeps after them. That’s it for now and I am ready for all comments…

Bobbie, I can’t help but think of what my grandmother once said, Good enough to ■■■■, but not good enough to marry. While you may be using him to scratch an itch, he is using you as a prostitute without paying you. This is not no-strings-attached-sex. This is sex between two people who have a long and convoluted history with many underlying emotions. And while you are getting your punches in to the other woman, he is getting his punches in to you. Finding a friend with benefits would be more beneficial to you. Take it from someone who went through the horror of chlamydia…you do not to put your physical, mental, and emotional health at risk this way. You know you have no future with him but more pain. Sometimes the only way to stop the spread of poison is to amputate.

Ok Bobbie - every time he leaves your house buckling his belt back up it is a notch upward for him in his ego and a notch downward for you in your self esteem.If you went to your adult children and told them what you were doing, what would they say? You wouldn’t tell them in reality though, because you know they would be disgusted with you, and quite possibly not want to have anything to do with you as much as they don’t want to have anything to do with the thing. Would you want your daughter used in this manner, or your son using a woman in the manner your ex is using you? Or do you parent by the do as I say not as I do method?They might be adults, but children do still look to their parents for advice and a path, regardless of age…abstinance is better than being equal to a thing…

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I don’t judge and I won’t. But I will tell you this isn’t healthy and a part of you is holding on that is why at this time your fine sleeping with him. Some part of you is trying to hold onto him and your doing it through a physical relationship that eventually is going to tear you up. He is actually tearing you down damaging your self-esteem. He didn’t want you in a relationship but he will stop by once a week to sleep with you? You deserve better. Being alone isn’t the worst thing.

O.K., Bobbie - here’s a man who still sleeps with his ex wife thoughts on this… Your story raises all sorts of red flags. You’ll be hard pressed to find someone who would advise it’s a good idea to sleep with your ex, but it my case, it works well for both of us. There was no infidelity involved in our divorce - it was finanacial and her callous attitude towards me having to foot the bill for her screw ups. It created a lot of hard feelings on my end, but that’s how she is. Sexually, we mesh like no one else we’ve both ever been with. It’s like the Fourth of July every time. We’re both in our 50’s, so remarriage and kids are not as important as they might be to younger folks. She makes a date at least once a week, we go out for dinner and she devours me before we go. It’s pretty simple…

The fact that your ex is saying he’s in love with someone else and is still coming around for you tells me he’s not worth the powder to blow him to Hell. I’d never do that to someone I loved. You also seem to be getting a kick out of paying the new woman back by sleeping with him. Understandable, but I think that would only work if he was sorry and was working hard to reconcile, which doesn’t seem to be the case.

Please be very careful and I wish you the best of luck.