My husband and I have a combined family. My kids father lives 1600 miles away and only calls for birthdays (some of the time). My step kids go with their mom every other weekend for a one night stay. That is how it has been since before I was in the picture. We keep open communication and I send her everything including all schedules, i.e. school, sports, church, and etc . She does not show up or call. She tells my step kids do not to forget to call her in the two weeks that she does not see them. We feel she should make an effort beside putting the burden on the kids. When the oldest of the two was a little younger she would cry at night because she forgot to call and was worried her mom would be mad at her because of it. There for a while this was not happening with her saying that and now that the youngest is about the same age as the oldest was when she would do that she is saying it again. There was such an emotional tole it took on the oldest, that to put the youngest in the same situation would cause for even more emotion. She has missed every sporting event, school concerts, and bday parties even with providing her in detail regarding it and the schedules.
They are seeing a counselor and when it happened before she explained the adult and child role when it comes to that. She did reminded them that to remember to call each night is the parent responsibility (rock - meaning parent/adult) and that they are to worry about being a kid (play dough). So should we still listen to the counselor? The problem is if the kids don't call her she don't call them or show up. I have done everything to keep her involved, but nothing has worked. I am at a loss.