Should I divorce

Well where do I start?? I’ve been married for 17 years. 18 years together. I am very lonely. We have no sex at all. It’s been like that for 8 years. I actually did divorce him once and yes I stupidly remarried him again and yet here I am again. So I divorced him originally because I got so tired of never being good enough for him. From the beginning of our marriage he started comparing me to exes. Comparing me to his cousins wives or anyone else in general to prove how incompetent I was. He was a very jealous man the first like 5 or 6 years. He ran off all of my friends. Wanted to know where I was 24/7 and controlled the finances and everything. I never had a career because I became a mother and his jealousy I had to me a stay at home mom. I was so young 19 and I was nieve. I loved him . He was my first real relationship. What the crazy part is now is that my kids are growing up. Now he dont give a crap about me. He never wants sex…this has been years. He is 8 years older than me. Now though everything that happens is somehow my fault. Now I’m lazy because I dont work. Now he is expecting me to just act like nothing ever happend all these years. I have terrible anxiety. Virtually no friends when I used to have loads. I have depression really bad. Note that when I did finally divorce him the first time he would not leave me alone. Always came over my house. Calling constant. We had a custody agreement but would never ever take his kids or come see them unless he could see me too!! He still controlled everything!! I decided to marry him again. He must love me right? He didnt want me with anyone else. Now fast forward 4 years married and he dont care at all. I feel like he is driving me nuts!! What the hell do I do?

Start with some self care. Go talk to a counselor. Make a list of your priorities. See if you can get him to go to counseling with you. If he says no which from your description here I expect him to say no - go by yourself.

You might try and figure out what it is he gets out of a relationship with you - are you bringing in money? taking care of home and hearth? is there an image to maintain with family? He’s getting something out of this and its helpful to figure out what. Once you figure that out try and set up your lives so you each are getting what you need. As an older male he may not want to pursue a physical relationship because its difficult for him. There are drugs now like Viagra to help with that situation. Try and broach that with him if that feels safe. Some men (and women) have a source of pride where getting outside help in the form of Viagra or hormones are a blow to their ego and are just not acceptable. If that is your case you can broach the possibility of opening up your relationship to get your needs met. That’s also tricky but some couples do that. The definition of relationships has been morphing in our modern era and there are all sorts of relationships nowadays with all sorts of rules like nothing our grandparents ever experienced.

If none of that out of the box problem solving works you may have no choice but to move on. So sorry :frowning: Sometimes we love people but we need things they can’t give us. Read Tracy Cabot’s “The Broken Popcorn” fable at http://www.loveadvice.com/ARTICLES/POPCORN.HTM

Good Luck!

“Start with some self care”. This I agree with from The Professor. As for the rest, well, lets stay with the start for now. So start with yourself. You know you cannot carry on like this, so acknowledge that thought fully, immerse yourself in it and commit to it. It’s a small step but it open up the floodgates to all possibilities, with the first one being kind to yourself.:blush:

I want to marry someone who is divorced. Is there an option?

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I guess he’s seeing someone else or what else would make him ignore you and avoid sex with you? hat’s so awkward and i’ll just advise you get a private investigator to help you get fact about him and know if he is seeing someone else you can walk out of the relationship get a private investigator on Private Investigator

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