Separated, papers, feelings, Oh My!

UGH! My husband walked out on our 14 year marriage in February of this year. He is stating that he just doesnt have the “feelings anymore” . I have found out that he has been telling people that there were a few things that contributed to this decision, 1-Trust Issues-My husband likes to go sit at bars and would get mad at me texting him where are you? 2-Communication-He would tell me something and I wouldnt “listen” to what he was saying 3-We have “nothing in common” meaning at the end of the week I would be exhaused from raising 2 kids, working full time, running around like a mad woman, and I would just want to relax with him beside me. He also has called me deceptive-because when he was deployed I had a Target credit card that he didnt know about, and that he thinks or treats that as deceptive. I feel he isnt giving me a chance to fix myself and our issues, and these are things that can be fixed in a marriage.

He has filed for divorce after 3 months, but is self-representing. I have seen my lawyer for 2 consultations and to basically contest the divorce, and also file a counter affidavit that he filed-stating we have been separated for a year. I do not want this divorce to happen AT ALL. He is refusing to go to counseling.

We do have 2 kids together, ages 11 and 8. It seems like everytime we get together to talk I get emotional, my brain turns to mush and I just bring up stupid things. Right now we communicate the best by text message! He just isnt getting it. He isnt seeing my side and its like this isnt even important to him. After 14 years, its like he just doesnt care about me.

Last night we sat down and in the end he told me he is seeing someone. AFTER 3 months, it is someone he works with. I am floored, devistated, hurt by this. This person is someone who has her own issues. I just cannot get over this feeling, but I also want to fight for my marriage. My heart and my head know this isn’t my husband, and I feel people are looking at me like I am dumb for wanting him to see the good in me, and not want to let it all go. He says he is done and isnt coming back, but I feel different.I think he is a tad bit narcissitic and selfish right now, he talked to my Therapist via phone because he refuses to come into the office, and told him he could be a Psychologist because he knows everything.!

UGHH… Thoughts? Advice? Am I Fighting a Losing Battle? :cry:

give him space right now. I know it hard, but do it. In the meantime work on yourself by living and breathing for yourself and next the kids. Make sure whenever you all intrleract, you look good and smell good.

I agree, some space should be warranted as the situation is still somewhat fresh. The kids need you but you need you too. I think you should go and have a causal night on town and get you a breather too. I am currently trying to figure out how to take control of the fact my wife left me and though we are separated, I still try to be with her.

I understand you wanting to FIGHT…but he has already surrendered.
YOU need to start working on putting yourself back together.

He’s making up excuses to be made at you…find fault where there isn’t any…I did that also.

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Believe only that which you know is true. He may say things and do things that will confuseyou like you never knew him before. Give it a lot of space and minimize your communication with him. You don’t need to sell yourself to him. He is being selfish and thinks he’s in control. Not communicating save for coparenting issues will render his perceived control over you moot. Then he will be angry because he cannot control you. Make sure you separate your living arrangement and don’t fall for any sex ploy. It’s all controlling behavior. Time to let him stew. Peace and be brave. The sun always rises on a brand new day!