My wife and I have been married for 9 years and separated now for 14 months. It was originally meant to be a trial separation for 1 year while we worked on our codependency and other personal issues that slowly but surely drove a wedge between us. There has been no infidelity and we have been going to marriage counseling and seeing our own personal therapists the entire time. Great progress has been made on ourselves, but not with the marriage. Yesterday I told her what I need and want in a relationship. She responded by saying that at one time she shared those qualities and relationship needs but that she knows she cannot be what i want and deserve right now or in the near future. She said she is still very wary of the idea of marriage or even relationships. She thanked me for being so patient but that she suspects i'm hitting a point where i need to start working toward something i know will bring me happiness. She said it has occurred to her that maybe i just need a clean slate with someone who gets to know me as i really am without so much history hanging over it. I don't know what to do. Do i keep waiting, keep going to marriage counseling, keep suggesting times for us to see each other? (i should note, she never suggests times to see each other and i am always the one reaching out). Or do i do as she suggested and begin the process of moving on. I love her deeply but how long do I wait for her to decide? Or do I wait anymore. This is easily the most difficult and painful thing I've ever been through.
