Seeing Him at Church

I still attend the same church as my ex husband but it is really hard seeing him every sunday. i try to avoid even looking at him. Everyone tells me that should we pass one another - just say hello and keep on moving. I have been doing that.

If I am on my way out after service, I may see him and speak and walk on to my car. But when I get in the car, I am shaking like a leaf. I just can’t get past the fact that he cheated on me with his ex girlfriend. He doesn’t seem to understand that marriage isn’t just about sex.

How do I stop from getting emotional when I see him? He is calm and collected and I am a mess. I am one of the ministers at the church so I am not going to change churches and it doesn’t appear he is either. How do I handle this or does it just take time as everyone keeps telling me…including myself…

Yes, it takes time. But it also takes “radio silence” - no communication with him about anything but the kids, if you have kids. Have a chat with the other ministers there, and tell them how you feel - that you’re just not able to “minister” to him at this time. If you feel the need for an explanation, keep it short and just the facts. They should understand.Stop the parking lot chats - they’re only prolonging your healing, like peeling a scab off a wound. Hang out in the office, or have a second cup of coffee to give him a chance to leave before you do. I understand not being able to beat a hasty retreat, which is another option.We’re here for you.

I am in hopes that you have cut the friendship per the previous blog. If ,yes, than he is toeing the line to see if your serious. He knows that it’s not your nature to turn your back and seeing if your convictions was from jealousy or because you are done. I agree with Julie, talk to your church, and don’t even speak to him there. No communications lend him no way to pull your strings. You are not his puppet, his back up plan, or his doormat. Convey that with silence, stand tall and firm as you walk past. It is he that will in the end see something he missed in you all along. You are a woman of strength and confidence. And you are his ex, the one he screwed up on.

I haven’t been to church since the middle of January. I took a sabbatical from church to get counseling. I have a counselor thru my job, another minister who also does counseling and I go to DivorceCare. I think I am beginnig to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. Could be the storm is slowly coming to an end.

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Hang in there my sister
you know the Lord and he will see you through
You were faithful in marriage and you have been faithful to the Lord
Remember God will not go against man free will.
Meaning what he put together let no man put asunder and your husband chose to put his marriage,family, you asunder
Be encouraged my sister
It is well

Well - we have been divorced since 2010. I stayed at our church for about another year or so and then I moved on to another church I loved. The Pastor was wonderful and the people in the congregation were just great. After about a year and a half after our divorce, he married he ex girlfriend. I am still single and struggling. I am now 62 years old. I still have not healed. It never dawned on me before but part of my problem is I am jeolous of the new wife. All the cruises and nice cars, swimming pool, going out, companionship - all the things I had with him - now she is enjoying those things. I want to move on but no one has approached me about a date or a cup of coffee or anything. I know God is with me so I am never alone. But the loneliness is always with me. When I try to get involved in different activities and go places with other church members, it is nice but I still have to come home to an empty apartment…not even a dog to welcome me home (pets aren’t allowed anyway). Now I struggle to pay rent, buy food, put gas in the car and on top of everything else, got laid off my job. So at my age, I decided to draw unemployment until my social security kicks in in a month. All the while, he and she are living the good life while I am barely getting by. So on top of the adultery and the pain that goes with it, I guess I am jealous. Dying has crossed my mind more than once. I have hung in there and hung in there and life is still dealing me a bad hand. I am a minister and I can’t even pray anymore. My pastor whom I loved and could talk to has passed away. The new pastor is a good man but we have not established that type of relationship. Lord, have mercy is the only prayer I can pray.

I am listen to you
You just got to hang in there and ask God to see you though
I been married for 25 years and has been in disagreement with my spouse about everything
I been asking God to make me whole again
And i will not be in unhealthy relationship
My spouse always did what he want no questions asked
I have allow it and not let him be accountable
If he say he cant then I will
i have gave out of myself and now he says we need to stay in the house together for 3 years and just don’t tbink i could do it
There is so much that has transpired over the years that we been marriage
Just start asking God to help you
Heal your heart
take away your pain
Give you peace
And make you hold again
allow God to rejevenuate you and reinvent you
everything that happen in a life
God got our best interest at heart
I know things dont look good now or feel good
But my God shall supply all of my need accordingly to his riches in Glory.
And if God be for me than who will be against
Remember what so ever a man soweth he reapeth
Know that God has not forgotten about you
Weeping may endure for night but my joy cometh in the morning

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HI - I am hanging on. Some days are better than others.
I had to go back to this old message because I got a message from Wevorce saying I could only respond to 3 messages right now because I am new.

Thank you so much. You are right. I must depend on God and be patient. God provides. It is jus so hard sometimes to get through the day - even after all this time.
But thank you for all you have shared.
To God be the Glory.

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Yes
i am praying and asking God to give me peace and not let me be bitter toward my spouse
it just hard living in the same house when you know your marriage is over

Hi angel12
Perhaps things just didn’t work out with him and the other woman and he decided to come back home.
There is really no such thing as casting spells. But if he’s back and you are happy he is back - then take it as it is and I pray everything will work out.

Hi 1Simonejada
how is everything going for you

Hello Ms. Simonejada
I was deeply moved by your testimony. Because of it, I joined this site and sought you out. I want you to know that you’re a survivor and a winner. When you spoke of what you endured I began to think about how life and people can be cruel. What I’ve learned is that no matter how bad things can sometimes get, we can always look to God’s unfailing love, compassion and strength for the journey. Your ex husband and his new bride are the losers in Gods eyes and you’re the winner. You are the winner because you have held onto your faith, didn’t lose it and remained faithful to God despite the hurt and depression. Your ex and his new bride, unless they repent, they remain under God’s judgment but yet you are innocent. I pray that God will give you beauty for ashes and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. You mentioned it was hard giving up the trips, cars and now this other woman is enjoying it. Well they’re only doing so for a season and it is not eternal. The little that you feel you have is worth more than what they have because God is with you to bless you, heal you, sustain you, love you and keep you from falling. Whatever the devil meant for evil in our lives, God is greater than our pain, our afflictions and we lift him up above it all during our moments of hurt, failures or devestations. I want you to look at yourself as God sees you. See yourself as a overcomer, a winner because God decreed it. Why art thou cast down oh my soul? Hope though in God! I would have fainted and given up if I didn’t know that God is real. Forgivness is for you and we ask God to enable you to forgive those people do that you can rise above it and God will cause you to ride upon and walk upon good things. When tempted to complain or feel sorry for yourself remember God is able to do more than we ask or think. Daughter of Zion arise and be blessed and happy in the life you have and your God. Satan is defeated. You won!

Hi Heal4Ever2017
Everyone says things like “oh it will get better over time” or “you just have to let it go” or “hang on - life goes on and you should exercise or find a new hobby or do some volunteer work”. Well, none of this has worked for me. It is sad but my faith is faltering and shaky. I can’t pray anymore. I try to read my Bible and I look at but I never pick it up. At my age - things aren’t looking good. I am by myself, no husband, no living income, no friends close by. I know people but I don’t know that I would classify me as friends. They are married mostly and have been married to the same person for 30+ years. They are living with the same person they said their vows to while I sit with three divorce decrees to remind me of the failed marriages, the wrong choices I made and the consequences that followed those bad choice. Yes I am doubting and while I want to hold on to my faith and believe - it is getting harder each day as I look at my life and how unsuccessful it has been. Of course, I do realize that depression makes you feel that your whole life has been a failure so I do take that into consideration. But I am now tired of the failures and the disappointments in life. I have no goals, no desires, no dreams, no anything. I think of the future, and wonder, what’s the point.

Each day is a new day…and every day you awaken breathing is a gift! Live that day as if it is your last and be worthy of your gift. Peace!