Parents Who Use Their Children As Weapons during Divorce

We are all aware of how children get caught in the middle during divorce. Well meaning parents with good intentions sometimes make errors. When a parent is in the throes of a divorce, it is struggle to control one’s own emotions. Knowing the right things to say to your kids can be a challenge. But some parents, who are filled with hatred and rage, purposely use their kids as weapons against the other parent.

The official term for this is Parental Alienation. Parental Alienation is is when parents repeatedly speak negatively about the other parent to a child or interfere with communication between a parent and child. Also, sharing inappropriate information, such as details of the marriage and divorce with a child, can leave children confused, angry, and frightened. The relationship between the child and the alienated parent often becomes strained. Why would a parent act this way?

These parents are so hurt and angry that the only way they feel they can gain control of the ex who hurt them is through the kids. Blinded by anger and in deep emotional pain, the needs of their children are put aside and they will do anything to ease the pain they feel inside. Hurting the other parent by destroying his or her relationship with the children satisfies their need for revenge.

If you are about to get a divorce or in the middle of one now you may be reading this and thinking that you would never do anything to hurt your childrens’s relationship with their other parent. But emotions sometimes get the best of us and you may slip up and find yourself saying something negative about your ex. Or you might try to explain the divorce to your child and accidentally give away too much information.

No one is perfect. The key is to remember that no matter how much you resent your ex, the issue is between the two of you, not the kids. Fostering a healthy relationship between your ex and your kids will help your kids grow up to be healthy, well adjusted adults.

1 Like

This is a very serious issue that can have many consequences as you have eluded to, if you are looking for a great website that helps parent’s deal with this and the different levels of this, please check out and tell me what you think!

1 Like

I struggle with this subject matter. I’ve had to witness years of abusive tactics by my husband’s ex spouse. We’ve tried everything, provided more $$$, assistance, kindness and it all falls on deaf ears. There are 3 adult children involved. Despite knowing the truth and facts of this case, all 3 adult children have adopted the abusive tactics from their mother and project onto us without justification. Their mother resides with her paramour of nearly a decade, but refuses to remarry as to not lose the $7,000 monthly in alimony. She is gainfully employed, supported also by her paramour and showed reported 2016 earnings of $182k. Yet continuously takes us back to court by claiming she’s deficit each month while her financials prove otherwise. Her mother provided us with insurmountable evidence of her daughter’s high end lifestyle and spending. Her mother is very concerned for her 3 grandchildren and shared in writing how they are spoiled and over indulged by their mother. This doesn’t even scratch the surface of this case but what has received attention is how destructive the three adult children have become regardless of witnessing how their mother and her attorneys have been reprimanded by a court of law for directly lying to the court and behaving fraudulently. The children are now directly providing false statements of fact in writing to cover for their mother. I fear what this will do to them in the future but have been informed that they know they are willfully lying for their parent and will never admit their wrongful conduct. After submitting documents of this case to an author on PA…the author conveyed that this case was beyond extreme as the children know the true state of affairs but have chosen to further the meritless legal abuse and provide false testimony to provide cover for the covert aggressive abusive parent.

Any thoughts, advice, experience with this type of case would be greatly welcomed and appreciated.