I’m going to say this as kindly as possible: grow a backbone. She is humiliating you! I know you love your daughter, and I know that I would as well given your predicament but, trust me, she has zero respect for you as a man. Get Steve Horsmon’s book on Amazon, “Straight Talk Toola For The Desperate Husband” ($8, cheap, you’re welcome!). This cat really knows what’s what. Read it front to back. In particular pay attention to the values section.
You need to get clear with your wife, and not in a blaming/accusatory way (“you’re doing this and that, you’re hurting me, etc”). You need to express it calmly, something like this, after some initial talk (“hey, I’ve got to talk to you about some stuff, got a few minutes or can we set a time to talk?”) then come right or and say “so I’ve been thinking and doing a lot of soul searching (etc) and I realize I’m not happy with where things are at, because we aren’t seeing eye to eye as far as our values go. Allow me to explain (so that she’ll shut up for a moment and give you the floor). I have certain values, when it comes to relationships and especially marriage; you probably remember some of those from our vows, but here’s what’s really important to me” then state your values (sit down, write out a list, things like “mutual respect”, “honesty”, “resolving to work together in the best interests of our daughter”, “my marriage is a castle and I won’t let any outside force threaten it” and “passion for my partner” can be some of them). Tell her these values are non-negotiatiable and that, if she does not share your values, you will set some hard and fast boundaries. Yes, even if it means potentially jeopardizing your relationship with your daughter but, believe me, she will respect you far more if you do this than if you don’t.
Stick to your guns. Find support in 1-2 good friends, a support group, a therapist or someone wise who you trust. No matter what, don’t falter or go back to accepting whatever scraps she throw to you. You’re the prize, man! Which one of these other jerkoffs is going to love your daughter and wife the way you do? A: probably none. Good luck, brother, and let us know how things go. I used the same patter on my wife recently and she got very emotional; the jury is still out, but at least she knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that I’m done with this bullshit and that she’s been served notice.