I am so, so, so SO glad I found this post. I was in tears and beyond furious because I am in my early twenties and I tried to bring this up to my parents even though it happened over a decade ago. How am I supposed to tell my parents that this traumatized me, made me feel sick, made me want to kms, made me feel violated, angry, worthless, etc? And no I can't control it so I can't just "grow up" or "get over it". It is the most extreme anger and anxiety I've ever felt in my life. I couldn't understand as a young child why my parents would possibly think it's okay to have sex knowing I could hear it, punish me for getting angry, and then deny it all years later. Exposing children to sexual content is illegal and is considered sexual abuse, so why do parents think it's different, silly, natural, etc to let their kids hear them have sex? Just because you made me that way doesn't make it clean or better. What the ■■■■ is wrong with you if you think that? It's one thing to accidentally be overheard like the OP is saying, but now that your child has made it clear to you that it makes him feel violated, don't do it when he can hear FFS!!!!!
Listening to my parents have sex was not funny. It was not 'awkward' or 'embarrassing'. It felt violating. You can tell me till you're blue in the face that parents should have sex, its Godly, natural, expected, thats how I was made, etc but none of that takes the shame and disgust away. I don't need to hear my dad's penis making sticky sounds in my mom's vagina to know that they are in love. All that it taught me is that sex is the only way to show love because my parents sure as hell don't otherwise. I have so many damn issues with sex now its not even funny. So for your child's sake, DON'T have sex while they are home unless you are 100% sure they can't hear you. And DON'T make your sex life obvious with leaving your bed unmade, marking it on the calendar, talking about it, giggling, dirty jokes, undressing, groping, fingering etc in front of the kids because my parents did that to us and it made me hate them for it. Keep your sex life away from your kids and send them to grandpa's house if it's that damn important to you.
What went through my childlike mind while my parents were going at it: Why are they doing this knowing I can hear? How come they have time for sex but not my dance practice, my school events, my needs? Why is this an example of love? I don't want to do that. If I have to do that, I don't want to be in love. I don't want anybody to do that to me. Why is this the only way they show love? I want to throw up. They hate me. Are they getting off on knowing I can hear them? Why is this okay? Why is it natural? When is it gonna stop?
Guess what else? I was sexually abused, too. And being sexually abused and then hearing your parents have more sex makes one feel like dog ■■■■. I knew then that if they could have sex knowing what I went through and let me hear it, they must not love me.
Some other stuff that can happen when your kids hear you having sex:
- They can get turned on because it's sex and then want to kill themselves for having such thoughts (that they can't control)
- They will feel violated
- They will think you love each other more than them
- They will be afraid of it
My parents screamed at me, called me horrible names, punished me, called me a failure and told me I ruin everything, never wanted to listen to me. But by having sex with each other, it told me that "feeling like a couple" and "connecting" and "being intimate" was far more important than anything else that could be going on with the kids. I'm sure that sounds selfish to every "it's my house, I'll do what I want. Grow up!" parent out there, but I am speaking on behalf of those kids who can't dare say anything just like I couldn't. So if you just had sex and you're wondering why your son won't speak to you, or why he's suddenly addicted to porn, or why your daughter all of a sudden got promiscuous, ask yourself if you really took the steps necessary to prevent it.
Greengrass, aka OP, I just want to say thank you for taking the time out to talk to your kids and apologize. That was so, so kind of you and I'm sure one day your kids will appreciate it. I can tell this was accidental on your part, but PLEASE for the sake of your son don't do it anymore. My parents didn't apologize. They didn't sit me down and talk me through it. They just slammed things at me and told me that "our marriage comes before our children" and called me selfish. It's like, okay, I'm being selfish for feeling violated? I think the real selfish one is the one who puts sexual desire before their kid, but hey, I'm just an entitled brat, right?
So please, please, please, please. Everyone who feels this way: don't be afraid to speak up! Tell your parents. Tell your friends. Even if they laugh in your face, punish you, deny it, whatever. Spread the word that people should NOT be letting their kids have sex. Maybe one day we'll all live in a society where our kids don't have to hear sex but are content knowing their parents are in love. As of right now, though, accidents happen, but don't take the risk. You don't know what your kids are thinking and it's not worth it for your kids to have a lifetime of mental suffering, hatred for sex, anxiety, suicidal thoughts, anger, fear, etc all so mommy and daddy can have "the right" to a few minutes of rubbing genitals.