My husband cheated and wants a divorce

I have been marriaged to my husband for 3yrs now as of the beginning of Oct. This July, he told me that he was unhappy and doesnt know if he wanted to stay married. This Sept., he told me he wanted a divorce cause things were not working out between us. I begged him to reconsider cause we had been going to therapy for a few weeks.

A week later I looked through his phone and saw that he had been having an affair with a girl while I was away at work (I’m a flight attendant and was based in NY). I had already asked him several times for weeks if he was cheating and he told me no. After I was the text messages, I asked him again and he told me no. By this time, I was in a stand of peace and seem to be in a cheerful and optimisic mood. the optimisic I got, the cold he became towards me.

The following night, I looked at the phone records online and noticed that he and this girl had been messing around since the beginning of Aug, and that he had her over my house while I was in NY working. Days when I would come home the month of Aug, I noticed that my belongings were either moved or hidden. I confronted him about it and told him I was moving out. I cut everything that was in my name expect the cell.

The next week I started training as flight attendant for another airline and was emotional stressed I’m surprised I passed the class. Well, in the last few days he bought another phone cause he didnt want to help me pay our bill, he avoided my texts. Today we spoke and he told me that he was unhappy since the beginning of our marriage and that he has filed. He feels now that I’m at my new job I can start over in the city I’m based out of and he can be happy without me. I’m beyond hurt.

I thought we would last forever and I still want to be with him. Sorry for the long story but all of this has happened between the end of July 2012 to now (Oct. 2012). I guess my question would be is, is it possible that we can work out, even after the divorce or is it over and done with? Both my dad and his mom said don’t rush with the divorce and his mom said he may come back cause the grass is not always greener on the other side. I’m an emotional wreck and don’t know what do to.

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Your husband is an immature little boy who wants to have you to warm hearth and home and ■■■■ around while you are flying the friendly blue skies. He doesn’t want to change…he may want to stay married, but that doesn’t mean he wants to change. He thinks a wife is put on this earth to MAKE HIM HAPPY. What a crock of ■■■■. So if he is not happy, it must be your fault. Until he fundamentally changes his thinking, no marriage with him will work, not to you, not to cupcake. With your job (or really any job) you need to be able to trust him. And you can’t. Will you ever be able to? I doubt it. Look, you are worth more than his leftovers. Get out now while (hopefully) there are no kids.I am so against divorce, I am NEVER tell anyone to pursue it if even a shred of hope exists. But here you are, almost still newlyweds. He has lied to you, slept around on you, lied to you more, shows no remorse, and blames his UNHAPPINESS on you. I don’t see any hope for the longterm until he grows up, and he probably never will.

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Please be careful and take care of you! If you plan to give things some time before moving forward make sure you set a time limit and stick to it. I allowed my ex to string me along way too long because I couldn’t let go of my feelings for him. I didn’t want to face what was unraveling before my eyes. I didn’t want a divorce, or lose him from my life. What I failed to realize is he wasn’t capable of loving himself - which helped me understand he can’t love anyone until he first learns to love himself. Of course in his world it is called I’m not in love with you anymore. Beware of that line of BS…that’s a line liars and cowards use. I, like yourself, say what I need to say when I need to say it - he hid his unhappiness for the majority of our 12 yrs of marriage. It had very little to do with me/us, he was broken long before we met. I was crushed after 11 years of day in and day out , he distanced himself so quickly and acted as if we weren’t married. I couldn’t think straight - I knew what he wanted and I didn’t want to know. It clouded my better judgement and I lived in turmoil far longer than I had to. Once he filed, I found the strength to face this horrible thing and worked toward accepting how I felt about it. Meaning, I had decided if during or after our divorce he figured out the proverbial grass is greener wasn’t reality, well he already made his choices. He also made choices for me as a result. This is just my story, food for thought to you. I’m not saying how you should proceed - I know at this stage of the game, hearing others experiences is mostly comforting…best to you.

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Formalize the separation, but don’t rush the divorce. That said, you should not waste lawyer fees trying to delay a divorce that he can get if he wants. You’ve already done some of by getting bills out of your name. Make sure you don’t have any credit cards or bank accounts in common. Keep an eye on your credit report.If he filed for divorce, you will be served and you will need to respond within so many days (3-4 weeks, varies by state). You should file a response clarifying or disputing anything in his complaint which is not accurate.He might come back, but you shouldn’t let him. He cheated on you and hid it. He didn’t start telling you he was unhappy until he found someone else to be happy with. When that relationship fails (and it will) he may come back, but that would just be loneliness, not love. You won’t be able to trust him. Constantly checking his phone and computer, etc, is no way to nurture a marriage.