Lies, Lies and More Lies

[bethann8]

I need some advice on how to handle the lies that my ex is telling his family, friends, coworder, and our kids about me. I know in my head that he will do what he wants and I have no control over what he does. But hearing that he's telling all of them that I have had a boyfriend for a long time and that is why I divorced him, that I have always chosen my family over my kids, and that I'm fake, never loved him and used him, and the list goes on and on. None of which is true! I can't stand that he is allowed to say those things and apparently there are now some that believe it as they are not speaking to me. Especially when he was abusive, controlling, and horrible to be around and that's why I had to get away from him.

He is now trying to get in a competition to show me that he will be the first to be in a long term relationship to convince himself and others that he was not to blame for anything but it was all me. He is still bullying me even after the divorce, because he gets so nasty and mean that I change my behavior to avoid his tirades! Is this what my life is going to be like from now on? I can't stand the daily nastiness and lies. I've tried avoiding all contact expect what is necessary about the kids, we only talk or text a couple times a week, but he seems to find another way to get at me - kids' games, concerts, thru his friends.

Sorry, I am venting now, but I'm so exhausted and can't imagine doing this with him for the rest of our kids' lives. I thought that when I got away from him that I would finally have some peace. It seems so much worse now! Atleast when I was still with him, his focus was on all the other people he was angry at. Now it's focused all my and my family 24/7. How you can hate someone to the depths of your soul that at one time you thought you loved.....

[samanthacarlson]

Years ago, I handled a situation with an ex-boyfrined who started false rumors about me on our college campus and when the story got back to him, he called my parents and told them. When my folks confronted me about it, I told them what he'd done and said, You can believe him, or you can believe me - your choice. They didn't throw me out of the house at that moment (most of the rumors were that I was screwing anything in pants, and I supposed they'd have thrown me out if they believed that), and after they thought about it and probably discussed it, they told me that they believed me. If they believed him, I would have turned my back on them, left the house and wouldn't have come back.We're here for you.

[wearybear]

I know how you feel. My ex-wife is a horrible, mentally ill liar. It gets to the point where she denies even the obvious. One thing I have learned is that the people who really matter to you will realize the truth on their own and avoid the lying spouse without any help from me. Everyone else who hears the lies don't really matter. They will either chose to believe or ignore based on their own preconceived notions, or else they will come to you to get the other side of the story.

[natalie]

Good advice here. Especially about not being in competition with him.Only choices you've got are to either refute what he's said, or walk away from it all. Consider walking away from it all. Takes less energy, which is best for you right now.I suspect that most of 'his' friends believe what he's said, most 'couples friends' aren't sure what to believe, and most of 'your' friends don't believe him at all. This may just be part of the division process that's part of divorce.

[theusual]

Maybe I should start a new post. I have no advice. I am lost. Ive been searching for any answers to how to deal with a false belief about me in my social circle. My brother has weaseled his way into my past 2 relationships. when an issue comes up, my charismatic brother always pops up to contradict me. Everybody loves him. But he is the worst human being ive ever seen. Here's whats going on now.

I bought my Fiance a beautiful 3 acre home.and was negotiating where to build the stables for her horses. Im from a very poor family I dont know how to ride a ■■■■in horse! It took me 26years of hard work to be able to do so. I dedicated complete honesty and security. I gave her my soul and it felt like she did the same for me. she was, and still is, my one. She has always been a good friend. She became my love. I was happy just enjoying her company. We would laugh continuously every day every night. She proclaimed her love for me and I could not deny how fond i am of her. We began making love and it grew into a relationship.

I cant stop crying. My brother planted seeds into her head and her friends are infatuated by his charm and charisma.
I know my brother and he LIES alot. anything for attention. Especially now that our parents have past. he inherited a fortune. his smug is disgusting. Never worked longer than a year at a single company. Never assisted in or even had an interest in the family business Ive created. plus he's known for being a piece of ■■■■.

i cant explain this. im too emotionally ■■■■ed up. i cant think straight. all i want is a conversation. she moved out blocked me from facebook and is always on his page with like happy faces. she refuses to discuss anything. she still claims to love me but yet, she doesnt call. shallow one word texts. and just left me alone. one argument. nothing major.
then i found out that my brother has been keeping dialog with her.

There is soo much more to this. its just beyond my comprehension. and i dont feel like typing a 10page pitty pot. but it reall y is happening. im not ugly. i have morals. i believe in love . i respect women. im successful, and I help others. I also cook clean build.artist and have many talents in regards to business. plus im not a wimp. i practice several disciplines of kung fu. And Im ■■■■in honest as hell! but from what im learning, she believes my brothers manipulation and will not even attempt to try to work things out. i thought thats what a relationship is. i thought dedicating love means working through difficult times. Nope. im alone. she chats with my brother daily. and i hear from others lies about me. this is not the first time. im tired of being hurt. im tired of my career. i hate how human beings treat each other I hate the monetary system and im disappointed with the shallowness of society in the USA.
Suicide.

[Believedbeloved1]

I dont know the whole story and it would be good to know how long you have been together as a healthy couple and what the relationships between you snd your brother were like prior years leading up to this event... What started the drama and what was the point of his scheme as your brother and what is his competition against you for? Is he jealous and feels inferior to you being that you might be more Mature, masculine and emotionally intelligent than him bc and since the loss of the father? Does he have any friends outside of this or girlfriend or problems with attachment to other people including keeping happy and healthy ones? He could be a good deceitful or manipulative selfish person who needs others to help him grieve his loss however I dont know the age, history or trauma that he may have experienced in past relationships to everyone or anyone. how and what was said to you about you to her that would make her impulsively decide to neglect her responsibility to the relationship and at least show some respect for others if you want my opinion. How young is she? It dounds like she’s immature and self absorbed as well. Like attracts Like, she seems to take you for granted based in your story and that isn’t anything you would want in a long term partner. It seems to me that their is a lot of things unknown and known and IF I were you, I would ask your Insecure brother what you did or how he decided to make it a conscious decision to make an ass of himself as well as communicate lies and cause everything to be a clustermuck? Is he lost or ignorant? Is he a two year old man child who needs to hurt others to make himself feel falsely superior? What he is lacking is security and development of character. Let me remind you..... IT IS ALWAYS WORTH NOTING... hurt people, hurt people and it’s obvious that he needs help and validation from someone however OT DOES NOT require a lot of drama and pain inflicted by someone that is not in the same headand heart space as a healthy individual. I can’t understand why a man, much less a brother, would or could be so comfortable with the selfish and immature actions that clearly show a lack of respect, honor and loyalty to you and for all the people involved. Sadly, this is a reflection of his personality and low quality values in comparison to what you have said about the both of you, differences. Its not a great idea to be a person who has no idea how to make a life of their own, much less blame family for their own inadequate and self absorbed way of achieving instant gratification for the sake of boosting his deflated ego. Women HAVE NO INTEREST IN THAT. It is not very attractive nor admirable to me nor can imagine how it is inspiring to any other lady who has any idea of who she is and has to offer a man who has grown up to be emotionally aware stable as well as the ability to have boundaries for themselves and understand what not to do to or against your own tribe or family. A great partner with any intrinsic value would have your interest first NO MATTER how manipulative and controlling he is and would see right through the unexpected hypocrisy of someone she knows is lacking confidence, common sense and control which tells me you may want to reevaluate your relationship with this girl and take care of yourself more than anything or anyone else. Do not get involved with that anymore or defend your position bc Youre too intelligent for that and don’t even need it to be honest with you. You’re better off knowing who your fiancé isnt and LEAVE THAT BEHIND. Write a letter to both without blaming and ALWAYS STSY true to your own happiness and let youe moral compass guide you to peace and love with the Right one who has your heart and wellbeing at the forefront of her mind and soul. You want to attract someone who is on your same wavelength and she sounds like she is a dreamer or dramatic person with no insight, no compassion nor teal respect for family and relationship. I would kindly ask them to be decent and let you take care of your own needs and wants BUT DO not buy into her stuff when she comes crawling back. You can have a lot more of a fulfilling relationship with a partner who values integrity and commitment. Really think about this. I hope Zim not being too insensitive However I font tolerate people who are cowards and who are unable to be accountable for their actions and how they impact others. please feel free to elaborate bc I could be wrong with this.

[BeautifulP]

Be strong! The truth will soon come out...I totally understand but that's what a narsstistic does! it's so sad deep down they know it. But it's a most high they'll have to answer to.