Let me digress just a little if you don’t mind. I left saying I don’t care if you kill me I am leaving. He had fallen in love with the ow, or so he said. He set me up to come to the house, and he had her there. As I wept she was full of confidence she was his queen, and she did not care if she was in my home. She stood before me bold, and let me know I was the intruder, as she slept in my marriage bed taking over my home.
My marriage was one of abuse, and cheating. If it had not been for the ow I’m sure I would still be there. I am thankful to her for this. As I read my diaries I noticed a pattern, about every two years we went through a cycle of cheating---the abuse continued always. I would get fed up, and make plans to leave. After a time he would straighten around,and the marriage would get better. When he was good he was oh so good, but when he was bad he was evil. Now, up to last week. I was talking with my daughter-in-law,and she told me how beautiful I am.
I have changed. I’m losing weight, but most of all I’m healing. I have a very contagious laugh, and most of all I am truly happy. Then my daughter-in-law said to me, “I don’t know if I should tell you this, butttttt the ow is always saying how ugly she is.” This is new. God forgive me; yes, she is ugly, but that did not affect her before. When I heard this my heart sank, because I remember those feelings.I remember the abuse, and hating myself. I remember thinking if I were more beautiful---I remember.
My face tells my feelings, and my daughter-in-law said,“Don’t feel sorry for her. This is what happens when you mess with a married man.” She is right, but I cannot help but feel sorrow for her.They have been together a little over two years, because they moved in with each other before our divorce was final—long before it was final. So I am assuming he still has the same old patterns. They truly are none of my concern I know this. Yet, no woman deserves abuse---no one. All I can do is pray for her if what I think is happening that God some how will give her back her boldness to leave, but I doubt she does.
Like I said, when he is good he is oh so good, but when he is bad he is evil. How do you get involved with a married man like my ex? He is very handsome, and makes very good money. He can turn on the charm, and make you feel so special. I know I stayed for thirty-eight years. I am also sure he told her horror stories about me. Now, she maybe living the nightmare that I lived, and pray I never live again.
Funny when I was first going through my divorce I prayed for the day that I could say, if only to myself, see you do reap what you sow. Yet,I find no pleasure in this--only sorrow. Keep her in your prayers she maybe living out my long lost nightmares. Maybe I'm wrong if so I wish them well. Lesson learned. How careful we must be in what we do to others in this life.
