Is Porn Adultery?

In a great article in The Atlantic this month, Ross Douthat asks the question “Is Porn Adultery?” A few quotes from the article: One perspective, broadly construed, treats porn as a harmless habit, near-universal among men, and at worst a little silly. A second perspective treats porn as a kind of gateway drug—a vice that paves the way for more-serious betrayals.

A 2004 study found that married individuals who cheated on their spouses were three times as likely to have used Internet pornography as married people who hadn’t committed adultery. It is everywhere (for men, anyway): A survey of American college students last year found that 70 percent of the women in the sample never looked at pornography, compared with just 14 percent of their male peers; almost half of the men surveyed looked at porn at least once a week, versus just 3 percent of the women. What do you think? POLL QUESTION: IS PORN ADULTERY?

In my opinion, nothing healthy or good can come out of pornography. The topics and characters are based on fiction. Pornography is not only poison to a marriage, but also poison to society (which includes your daughter, mother, sister and wife).I recently discovered that my husband is addicted to pornography. It is the one and only thing that I disclosed BEFORE marriage that I would not tolerate. He has been hiding it for years. When I found out, my whole world collapsed. When I opened these pages, I found horrific pictures/movies involving children and physical abuse to women. Please don’t be the woman that tolerates pornography. Please don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s harmless. Please don’t try to be the cool wife that goes to the strip club or participates in your S.O.'s addiction. Take some responsibility, take some initiative, have some self respect, YOU DESERVE BETTER.

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ok who are the 2 people who said porn is cheating? Very curious to hear why.what if you are watching it together?

There’s a legal term used primarily with the criminal justice system calle mens rhea (sp?) which is latin for guilty mind. It kind of applies here. If you see an attractive person and indulge in a fantasy, is it cheating? Maybe in your mind, but that’s where it ends. When you try to make fantasy a reality, then you are in violation of your marital vows. Porn is the same thing…you’re watching others have sex. In and of itself, not cheating…no matter how much you wish it were you instead of the other actor the act was happening to.I do agree with trisha in that it has the possibility of getting out of control and start causing problems in your marriage, but then so can video games, football, gambling, etc. But it isn’t adultery.

Yes, it is a gateway to more serious betrayals. Caught my husband soliciting oral sex on Craigslist with a male. He watched porn prior to this action. Sin leads to more serious sin!

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I can say without a doubt that porn was a gateway for me. I lived in a sexless marriage (defined as ten times or less a year) and first turned to porn as an outlet. This led long story short to adultery in which I would not have been in the mindset to do without first getting into the porn. I should have blurted out to my wife what I was thinking and demanded therapy. Unfortunately she did not want to talk about our lack of physical intimacy. Every time I would bring it up she would get angry and say she, “didn’t want to talk about it”. Between the emotional abuse, sexless marriage, and lack of communication it was a deadly trifecta.

Admittedly I did not handle it well. It’s all retrospect now. But yes, porn is pretty much poison. It doesn’t necessarily lead to outward manifested adultery but it is often the gateway. Ideally one should keep their sexual attention on their spouse at all times, even in fantasy. This helped me greatly towards the end of the marriage. Unfortunately it was too late by then.

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You realize your husband is gay, right? No amount of porn viewing is going to change somebody’s sexuality…

I have been with my partner for 6 years. I thought he was perfect. He was perfect. Till he moved in. Slowly our sex life was a distinct memory and one day I forgot something at the house, turned around my car went into our room to kiss him good bye and he was master bating to porn. This particularly hurt me because before I left I tried all morning to get him to have sex with me and he ignored me and wouldn’t touch me. From then on our relationship has not been the same. I feel hurt and ashamed and lied to. We rarely ever have sex maybe once a month we did. I was to the point it aggravated me and I got mean and hurtful because I had to beg him for sex and he only did it to shut me up. I can tell when we did he wasn’t there his mind was somewhere else ( was it with the naked women he jacked off to?) So Long story short 6 years into this and we don’t touch each other at all. It’s been 17 days. I don’t want to be 2nd to anyone! Now I think about sex with him and I think how could I lower myself that way. So I focus on my life. I keep things short with him and 2021 will be my year! So is porn Adultery??? If you are relieving your sexual desires to porn MORE than you are your partner then YES it is adultery.

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So many women are dealing with this crap. My husband works away from home came home after a month no desire for me but he’d been watching porn almost daily. Now says he must need to see a Doctor. Hey buddy guess what desire to watch porn and the act of doing it equals libido. Men quit lying to your women, quit trying to make us feel crazy and undesirable while you hide in the corner jacking off. Its weak, its lazy, it’s actually quite sad.

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Absolutely. Im going through my divorce because I have no choice after being replaced by porn (and mommy does all the other wife things for him). I feel so hurt and devastated. Sad part is that women, even here, defend it. Neuroscientists say it changes a person’s brain and chemicals. So, get up to date. It is a very destructive addiction. It leaves the partner/spouse feeling all sorts of wrong.