Is kissing cheating?

Infidelity/Cheating
#1

I just attended a weekend conference on a tropical beach. Yeah, I know, wasn’t it tough. Well while I was there I met an interesting fellow. He is separated inside of his home and contemplating how to get out of his marriage, despite a wife with some non-threatening health issues. He’s grasping with guilt and on and on. They’ve discussed divorce, but haven’t got that far.

Anyway, we had a glass of wine and wandered to the beach. We sat and talked. It was beautiful. The moon was out and it was everything in a “moment” that a woman could dream. He eventually kissed me. I suppose it was more like making out, but with a “g” rating. Everyone’s hands stayed appropriate. He’s emotionally checked out of his marriage, and for the most part physically too. They’ve discussed separation. I’ve been “without” for a very long time and he was a very wonderful “married” man. I don’t think either of us had any intention of taking it any further than that.

But to be sure, I stopped after just a brief time and said that this was not good for either of us, and politely excused myself. I wonder, do those of you out there think he was cheating? Was it wrong for him to feel human contact again? Am I wrong contributing? Is it like contributing to the delinquency of a minor? Not that I plan to ever be here again…but I have to admit, it felt sooooo good after such a dry spell of human contact! I would have liked to enjoy it for just a little longer. I know that during my separation period both my ex and I dated others as part of the figuring it out process. So I’m just not sure how I feel.

#2

Yes. It’s cheating. By-the-way, your post reminded me of something that happened when I was 16-17, but I won’t get into that now. Let’s hope this guy’s wife doesn’t find out.

#3

Some people think sending e-mails to a good friend, who happens to be an unmarried woman, that say I miss you because you haven’t seen each other in months, is cheating.Some people think having lunch with a good friend, who happens to be an unmarried woman, in a restaurant with others present is cheating.Some people think talking with a good friend, who happens to be an unmarried female, on the telephone is cheating.Some people think communicating openly with, and confiding in, a good friend, who happens to be an unmarried female, is cheating.Like my STBX.Any clue as to part of the reason she’s my STBX?There is a line, and honestly I think kissing in a romantic but G rated way, is just barely over it. But I apply that standard to married people who haven’t already started to break up. If he really told the truth, I’d move that line just a bit and say what you did is OK. Probably because that’s where I’m at. We’ve been separated in different locations for over a month, and I honestly think I pretty much checked out of the marriage several years ago, despite truly trying counseling, etc., towards the end. I think I knew in my heart it wouldn’t work because of my STBX’s attitudes.So, I feel divorced because it’s been so long, and there really wasn’t anything left to let go of, except a whole bunch of $$$.I feel no guilt, whatever I do with another woman, because I know, with 100% certainty, that whatever I do at this point will have absolutely nothing to do with us splitting up. I suppose there is a 0.01% chance or so that I will shortly lose my mind and take the STBX back again. But I’m not holding up my life based on those odds.So, don’t feel guilty. It’s done whether or not he told the truth.

#4

Tough one, but I think a lot of married women would see this as at least an emotional affair, if not out-right cheating/adultery/infidelity - he is still married, hasn’t started divorce proceedings, still living at home, has only ‘emotionally checked out’ (which some feel with a passion is strictly an excuse to be able to justify cheating/adultery/infidelity in any form).I think it is a very, very thin line, and I think you were at least stepping right on the line. Going out, talking with him, having a drink with him…okay, I don’t really think that’s cheating/adultery/infidelity in my opinion, but unless he has actually started divorce proceedings, the kissing crossed the line, though at least you had the sense enough to not let it go any further than it did.I’ve said I love you to my close male friends, and also have affectionate names for them, and I do give them hugs and even a kiss on the cheek, I go out to lunch with them, I go out to events with them (sometimes with my husband, sometimes without), but I don’t cross any further than that, and my husband does not have a problem with this, where some other husband’s would (and probably a lot of women will feel that I’m emotionally cheating all the time by doing such). These men are single and married a like, some have gone through troubled times, and others couldn’t be happier - if my husband is uncomfortable with it, he tells me and we discuss it and go from there, modifying my behavior or what-not.If you felt uncomfortable with it, then I think you crossed your own personal boundary as to what constitues as cheating, so I think you really answered your own question, really. I understand how it can happen, and all you can do is move on from it and learn from it, and if you felt you might have crossed the line, then next time you won’t cross that specific line again.Don’t beat yourself up too hard about it, though. You stopped it from going any further, and that, I believe deserves some kudos.